Well Then
by Olor et Luna
Summary: When you use your one phone call to reschedule an interview, how much worse can your day get, right? - c'mon in, the gangs all here, AU, AH
1. Phone call and daiquiris

**A/N Well, obviously, the characters aren't mine. I'm just playing with what C. Harris gave us. No profit, no ill will. **

**The situations? Thos are all mine, in fact, most of this first chapter is a true story! I make no promises as to how often I will update. I am moving soon, and that will muss things up, I am sure. **

**Much love and many thanks to the fabulous AdorableAnarchist, who is not only a fabulous Beta, but one of the bestest internet girlfriends a woman could ask for, smooches, and the equally as fabulous SoyShay, for providing the kicks in the ass and courage I needed, and also being a fabulous Beta. You two Rock my Socks!**

When you use your one phone call to reschedule an interview, how much worse can your day get, right?

I woke to the phone ringing, and ringing and ringing and ringing. Rolling over I see the clock, 9:30. Nothing good will come from this. Jase, if he's even home, is either too hung-over to wake up and answer, or too wrapped around the flavor of the week. Gran isn't here to answer anymore, if she was, Jase wouldn't be, and there sure as hell wouldn't be the risk of a strange female in the kitchen when I go get breakfast. Normally, I would already be up and getting coffee into me, but I pulled a double last night, in my feeble attempt to maybe get ahead of the bills for once.

"Hermphgr?"

"Sook… that you, Sug?"

"Yeah, sorry Sam, I just woke up. Was there a problem with the numbers last night? I wasn't out'a'there 'til damn near 3 A.M, after arriving at noon. I'm purt sure I balanced everything out, between my tables and the bar till."

Great. Sam Merlotte, my boss or at least my boss until I find something better. There is only one reason he would be calling me at 9:30 A.M. on a Friday. He wants me to work. I need the money, fluffy bunnies and God knows I need the money, but I have an interview tonight at this new club in Shreveport. From what I've been told, the owner pays well, well enough to offset the fuel costs in The Beast, my '77 Jimmy, even. Maybe, just maybe, it would be enough for me to make the house payment, pay the bills, eat something other than bar food, and if I'm lucky, go back to school.

"Sookie, I know you worked a double last night, and I know you have to be exhausted, but I really need you to come in. Arlene's food poisoning is actually the flu, so she cain't work. Tara's refusing to answer my calls unless I talk about bringin' Laf back in, and Dawn, well, she just can't do it."

Sam fired Lafayette when Laf punched a customer. Granted, the customer called Laf some less than pleasant names, and then grabbed Lafayette's crotch, but still, 'you shouldn't punch customers' Sam says. Tara is Laf's cousin, damn near a sister, so of course she won't work if Laf feels hurt. Arlene, well, I'll lay even odds on her being pregnant not the flu or food poisoning at all, and Dawn, well Sam would have to wake her up, and if he can get someone else to come in, maybe they can get one more round in before he has to show up.

"Sam, you know damn well the only reason Dawn "cannot" do it is because it ain't legal in the great state of Louisiana to wait tables or back a bar with another person balls deep inside of you. I swear, you are taking advantage of me having to pay for Gran's funeral, you know damn well Jase won't do jack-shit. Fine, fine, just let me get dressed and get some coffee in me!" With that I slammed the phone back in the cradle.

Fuck.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuck.

I just went off on my boss. It doesn't matter that I'm looking for something new, if I don't get it I am still working for him, assuming he doesn't fire me after that. OK Sookie, here's the plan, get your ass out of bed, brew the coffee while you wash last night's bar stink off of you. Drink the coffee while driving the beast into work. Get to Merlotte's and pray you still have a job. If he needs you right away, you will only be working until 5, plenty of time to change and run to the interview at The Raven's Loft. Lunch and early dinner mean less bar work…right?

#$$$$$$$$$$$#

The assumption I made as I was getting ready is more than likely why I am here, right now, having used my 'one phone call' to reschedule my interview with Pam Ravenscroft and Erik Northman. To be fair to the assumption, it was a series of events that landed me in jail this fine evening, and you actually get more than one phone call, I found out.

It was 4:30 P.M. In the time I've been clocked in at Merlotte's, Sam's oh so cleverly named bar slash restaurant slash wanna-be-pub I have: had my ass smacked by a customer, twice; dropped a tray full of salads; I dropped a tray of ice water ON a customer; burnt my hand on a bowl of soup; and I fell, thankfully with no tray. About an hour ago, Sam moved me behind the bar to finish out my shift. I only need to make it thru half an hour, then I can clean up in the restrooms and change into my interview clothes, drive to Shreveport in The Beast, and pray I get the job. Honestly, I was praying The Beast would make it.

"Sook, can you whip up a strawberry daiquiri for the girls in booth 5?" Dawn, who showed up when Sam did, asked.

"A daiquiri? Are you shitting me Dawn, they asked for a daiquiri-y'know what, fine I'll make one, but it's gonna be in a shake cup, the blender isn't working right, Sam's checking it out now."

I assembled the strawberries, lemon and lime juice, sugar and rum in the metal shake cup, lifted it to the mixer, when CRACK! Apparently, the seam of the shake cup was loose. It cracked when the spinning mixer blade hit it. The result was me, covered in daiquiri and strawberries. My shirt and hair were soaked in rum; there was strawberry hanging on my nametag and in my hair. It's not as if I didn't draw enough attention looking like a short Barbie-doll, no, I had to look like a slasher movie reject on top of it.

"Sam! DAWN! I'm done; I'm leaving, take care of y'alls business on yer own, as I cannot deal with this shit right now!" I screamed. I figured I could take the back roads home, shower quick, do a messy bun, let the ends dry while I was driving to Shreveport, and just barely make the interview on time. I took off my apron, walked past Sam, who looked suspiciously like he was trying not to laugh, grabbed my shit, and left. The Beast thankfully rumbled immediately to life, and I admit, I pealed out of the lot. That was my first major mistake. I hit the rut at the bottom of our gravel drive, and the muffler tore loose. This had me driving, over the speed limit, with a super loud rumble and a dragging muffler. I really shouldn't have been surprised when Bud pulled me over. Bud is one of, what I think amounts to 6 total, Bon Temps finest. Bud has not only known me sense I was born, he knows that I don't drink much, that I work as often as I can, and that Gran passed less than a year ago. He knows that I am a 'good girl' in other words.

"Bud, what the hell do you want? I am not having a good day, and I don't need any of your shit." That, right there, was mistake number 2. Bud was fairly mild mannered most of the time, but he never really liked me or my brother Jason.

"Ms. Stackhouse, you were speedin', draggin' yer muffler, and are you drunk?"

"Yes, Bud. I just doused myself in a daiquiri so you would think that was why I reeked of booze- how did you figure out the truth? How did you know that I was drunkenly driving at not even 5 after working all day? Are you really trying to take the piss outta me right now?"

"Sookie, will you take a sobriety check?"

"Wow, I didn't even think you knew the word sobriety!" That right there is more than likely what got me arrested. Bud decided it was refusal to take a sobriety check while obviously intoxicated, he asked me to exit the vehicle, cuffed me, and brought me to our teeny tiny jail.

Apparently, he 'needed some time' to figure out if he was going to transfer to me the county jail or not. He realized once we got here that I actually WAS covered in daiquiri, and having a shit poor day, but sober. He can ticket me for the noise and speeding, but that should hopefully be it. All of this is what led to the phone call.

"Thank you for calling the Raven's Loft- what can I do for you?" A rather seductive female voice purred out.

"Yes, this is Sookie Stackhouse calling for either Pamela Ravenscroft or Erik Northman, they should be expecting me, and can you put me thru?" Having worked for Sam as long as I have, I was always leery of someone asking for the owner by name, hence the 'expecting me' line, which technically; they are, just in person.

"Ms. Stackhouse? I believe we were expecting you in person, not on the phone, may I inquire as to why you are calling?" It could only be Erik Northman on the line. It would have been nice to know that his voice was like dark honey, and capable of stopping all higher brain functions.

"Erm…jail…bad day, rum, muffler, loud daiquiris? "

"…try again?"

"I had a horrible day at work. There was an 'incident' that ended with me covered in strawberry daiquiri, I got pulled over on the way home, arrested for drunk driving, even though I am sober, and I need to reschedule the interview, if that's all right with you and Ms. Ravenscroft?" I tried to sound as refined as he, and the receptionist, did.

Then, laughter, woman's laughter; great, he had me on speaker phone.

"Oh Erik, I like her, let's keep her, yes?" The same voice that answered the phone said.

Fuck.


	2. Bailing and Bonding

**A/N- Again- C. Harris is the one to make these characters- I am just using them in my own unique, probably twisted, way. No ill-will nor malice meant. No profit gained.**

**I am so very, honestly and truly, _humbled and awestruck_ by the responses I have recieved from y'all. If I haven't replied to your review, I am sorry. I am trying to get to them all. TO all the fabulous people out there who have added me or this story to their alerts or favorites, THANK YOU- I don't quite get what you see in me, but I appreciate the hell out of it. **

**AdorableAnarchist is _still_ the best internet girlfriend a woman could have, and soyshay- you got this turned around for me in record time, while away from home, my socks have been totally rocked.**

**To the ladies of the BP- speechlessness, you have rendered me. I'll be in the castle, gaurding my shoes, and blushing at your praise and encouragement.**

**3**

**Without further ado...**

Last time, on _Well Then_… "Oh Erik, I like her, let's keep her, yes?" The same voice that answered the phone said.

Fuck.

Chapter 2- Bailing and Bonding

"Apparently, Pamela wants to keep you, so I had better agree to reschedule your interview, yes?" I couldn't tell if Erik was being patronizing, smug, condescending, or a combination of the three. I did place that he had an accent, quite possibly from a different country. Pam, or Pamela, I would have to verify which she preferred, also had an accent but hers just spoke of money and refinement.

"Listen," I said, relaxing some, "I'll be honest with y'all. I don't know when Bud's gonna let me out, and I have to call Jason about bail, if Bud's planning on pressing the speeding, or resisting. I really, REALLY wanna make this interview, I want this job so bad, and I know it ain't good form to tell you this, but it can't be good to call y'all from jail, either-"

"Sookie, daaaaarling, calm down! I already said I wanted to keep you. I'll send Erik over to get you; you can still come in for an interview tonight. I assume you will want to shower and change, so you'll need to direct him from the jail to where you live, and he'll handle the rest. It should take him about 45 minutes. Ta now!"

With that, the line went dead. I don't know what shocked me more, Pam sending Erik to bumfuck Bon Temps to get me, hanging up on me, after telling me this was happening, or that she actually said 'Ta now!' and drew out the word darlin' to be so long.

"BUD! Get your Barney Fife wannabe ass in here! I need you to dial Jase for me, you would know which super he's under!"

Many of you would think that it was stupid of me to yell at the 'arresting officer' like that. If you knew Bud, you'd be yelling to. He's bordering on inept, with a healthy dollop of self-importance tossed on top. It's also good to note at this point that I might have a wee bit of a temper. Jase accuses me of being irrational. I am just shocked that he knows what irrational means.

"Bon Temps Road Crew- Whadjya need, Bud?"

"Rene- this isn't Bud, it's Sook, and I ain't gonna ask what all you're doin' with the bosses cell. Is Jason around? Please tell me y'all didn't cut early!"

"Nah, Sug, he's right here…JASON! That sweet l'il sis of yours be callin' from the jailhouse- you might be wantin' to take this."

Seriously, if Jase was right there, why in the fluffy bunny did Rene feel the need to yell for him? And why couldn't he take the phone away from his mouth first, and why, Dear Gord, WHY did he have to announce I was calling from jail?

"Sook, I don't care that I'm only 2 years on ya, an I don't care that you're all grow'd up. I'll turn you over my knee!"

"Oh for fucks sake, Jase…I had the mother of all bad days at work, spilled hooch on m'self, got tagged for speeding, a noise violation after dropping the muffler in the hole y'all haven't fixed yet, and given the amount of time the 'road crew' spends at Merlotte's, that's an impressive amount of fail, AND THEN Bud decided to grab me for being drunk, which I wasn't. He, sadly, has full rights to press on anything but the drunk shit, and mebberesistingarrest."

"Sook, did you say maybe resistin' arrest?"

"Maybe…anywho, before you go off, get drunk, and find some cooch to keep your junk warm, I need you to bail me out. Preferably in the next half hour, Erik Northman should be showin' up then and he'll handle me from there."

"Northman? Fuck, be right there, sug, sit tight."

Sit tight? Where the hell did my idiot brother think I was gonna go? If I had the ability to waltz out on my own I would. Then I would have to get home, and, that's right, The Beast dropped the muffler. I can barely afford to keep her running, now I need to factor in the cost of replacing a muffler that's older than I am. Well, if I have to sit, I may as well take inventory. Hair- smells like the floor of Merlotte's, possibly stained by the strawberries and rum, excellent. Nails- not too shabby, actually, as long as I don't start chewing them, skin is golden, but Jason better have left me a towel before he left to get in some overtime with the crew. I need to shower in the worst possible way, and my wrists are a little chafed from the cuffs, so I will want to grab a bangle or wrap for each one before I leave the house.

I know the Raven's Loft is a play on Pam Ravenscroft's last name. I know that Erik is her general manager. It's pretty rare to have a club that size have a single manager who's that hands on. It's also rare for a club to have an OWNER who's that hands on. Rumors abound about the two of them, how they know each other, if there is any relation between them, or a relationship, if he's actually a partner in the club or not. All I know is that I am going to be meeting him any moment now. I know that I am a hot mess and regardless of how much Pam says she wants me to work for her, I'm not making the impression Gran raised me to make.

"Well, what do we have here? Would this be a Sookie?"

"Yes, _This_ would be a Sookie, who the fuuu-"Dear sweet fluffy baby Jeebus in the manger made by bunnies, Ramen. Erik apparently beat Jase here. In front of me stands the tallest, blondest, bluest eyed, dimpliest man I have ever seen. Dimpliest is totally a word, a word that described Him. "You must be Erik Northman."

"Yes, that is exactly who the fuck I am, "he smirked, he fucking smirked, "And you are Sookie Stackhouse, unless this shithole town has an overabundance of daiquiri soaked, blonde waitress/bar backs who have been arrested?" Again, with the condescending/patronizing/smug trifecta in his voice, being hit with it in person, though, it wasn't infuriating, it was tantalizing.

"Thank you for coming over here, Mr. Northman, as soon as Jase gets here, I'll be out, and we can go. I would appreciate half an hour to shower and change if possible."

"Those were my orders, my bite-sized bumpkin. I was to gather you, get you groomed, and get you to the she-beast with 1000 names with enough time for the two of you to 'bond'."

"Did you just call your boss the she-beast with 1000 names?"

"Did you just realize that you change your manner of speech in order to not sound like a bumpkin, but you always revert to your roots, Bumpkin?"

"Are you gonna keep calling me Bumpkin? Cuz iffin y'are, my knee may be bumpin' your kin…ken what I mean?"

"Sheeee-it Sook, Gran would tan your hide so fast if she heard you right now, child!"

I want to know what God, Goddess, Fluffy Bunny, or Flying Spaghetti Monster I pissed off today.

"Laf, what in the blazes are you doin' here?"

"Sweetness, Jase done called me up, to ask if it was for reals that his baby sis was in jails. What was I to do but lie to his sweet ass, and come down here myself to bail you out? And then, THEN, who do I see you sassin' to but none other than Shreveport's own Jolly Blonde Giant- Erik, you bitch, how are you?"

"Laf! You know damn well that Sookie was supposed to interview today. You did tell Pamela that Sookie was good at what she did."

"Well, yeah, but you know as well as I do, lover, that the she-beast with 1000 names doesn't always listen to l'il ol' me, especially not while we are gettin' our mani/pedi time on!"

Shoot me now, please. Laf is Pam's mani/pedi buddy? They've talked about me? Again, what the fuck is up with the she-beast with 1000 names, and hold the fucking boat- Lover?

"EXCUSE ME! I would like to not be in jail, anymore. I would really like to take a shower. I would love to witness more of this beautiful reunion, or whatever the fuck it is, but only after I get the daiquiri out of my hair, I DEMAND to know how y'all know each other, and, Jesus wept, just, get me out….please?"

Laf and Erik both gave me a look partway between surprise and pity. I don't think either one of them thought about how uncomfortable I must have been. Erik went to talk to Bud, Laf gave me his knowing look, and some intricate hand and eye gesture to mean that he would fill me in later, and then followed.

"All right, Sookie, Bud says that you can go, but that you have to promise to be an extra-special good bumpkin, and that Laf or I have to be responsible for you until Monday, when you can talk to the judge. Now, let's get you home, get you in the shower, and I can scrub your back for you, hmmmm?"

"Yeah, ok….wait what?"


	3. Showing and Showering

**A/N Sadly, C. Harris gets to take the credit for these characters, I just take them out of the book, put them in my world, and hope that I am making them awesome. No ill will, malice, no profit- y'all know the drill by now, right?**

**Sweet fluffy bunnies, I just don't have the words to tell y'all how much I appreciate you. In three days time, some 550 individual people have looked at this baby of mine...I don't even KNOW that many people. You like it, and you ask for more, which makes me write more, and so on and so forth. **

**Sadly, I will not be able to keep up with the demands for a chapter a day. I have kids, I have work, I am moving. When I started this, I figured that a chapter a week was ambitious. You proved me wrong. I think we can settle on a chapter every other to every third day. More often if I can, hopefully not less often. I am letting you know so you don't worry if you don't get an alert tomorrow. Smooches, for every last one of you. **

**AdorableAnarchist- smooches, your support, much like you, has been amazing**

**Soyshay- Girl! I gave you a chapter, you had it back to me and now it's posted, all in less than an hour. You are Superwoman, and I couldn't have done any of this without you. **

**BP- My socks have been rocked so hard by y'all that I may have to share my red shoes, or at least give you directions to where they are in the castle. **

**That being said...**

Last time in _Well Then…_

"Now, let's get you home, get you in the shower, and I can scrub your back for you, hmmmm?"

"Yeah, ok….wait what?"

_Chapter 3- Showing and Showering_

"Well, Bumpkin, if you're in mine or Laf's charge for the weekend, we wouldn't want you slipping out the bathroom window and going on the lam, now, would we?" As he made this outlandish statement, there was an increasing arch to his eyebrow, one that I wanted to lick. He cannot be serious, can he? He cannot keep calling me Bumpkin, and he cannot be straight as Laf doesn't toss around lover-slut, bitch, ho, yes, lover, no.

"I naturally understand that Laf would be less threatening, what with you having known him longer, and his predilection towards fellatio over cunnilingus, but alas, makeup like his cannot be done quickly, and I fear the shower would wash it all away. It would be truly shameful to deny Pamela the chance to see him in his full fuchsia glittery glory. A shame!"

I noticed that Erik looked like he was biting back a smile. Maybe there is an honest sense of humor under the smug, condescending patronization that is Erik Northman.

"Oooohh sweetness, you are coming with me, Erik can follow, but there ain't no way in hell I'm a let you anywhere near his baby in the state you're in. He had to have done something to have pissed off Her Royal Pamness for her to have sent him in his car." With that proclamation, Laf led me out to his El Camino. Where in the world Laf found a purple 68 El Camino with a hot pink interior is beyond me, and I was going to object to filling it with my mess, until I saw what could only be Erik's baby.

"Is that a 1942 Chevy Master DeLuxe? Where did you find her?" I was impressed. I expected him to be a Porsche or Corvette sort of guy, not a classic sort of guy.

"She's a family heirloom of sorts. We can talk about her later. You know cars? Maybe I'll have to find a new name for you Bumpkin."

"You will, what sort of name is Bumpkin?"

"What sort of name is Sookie?"

"Children! We have a ticking clock. The she-beast with 1000 names is expecting us; you two can whip out and measure later!"

Erik and I looked at each other for a beat before looking at Laf and cracking up. I got in the El, Eric got in his Chevy, and we headed to the house.

#^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"Wow! You have an excellent house, Grease monkey. How did a young thing like you get the white picket fence, front porch and a rocking chair already?"

I froze at Erik's question, luckily, Laf had my back.

"Oh, lover, Sook's 25, that's plenty old 'nuff for a house. It's a family house, anyways; her big bro crashes with her. Now, which one of us fine specimens are taking her into the shower?"

Okay…maybe Laf DIDN'T have my back after all.

"Enough of this bull shit. The couch is there. I'm going to shower, alone, not gonna sneak out the non-existent bathroom window. Not gonna sneak out the back door that you can clearly see from the couch. And I would have to walk past you to get out the front door! After that, I am gettin' ready for this interview, and we can go!" With that, I stomped, as maturely as possible, into the bathroom. It wasn't until I had shampooed my hair for a third time that I realized I never grabbed my robe before I came in the bathroom, nor did I grab clean clothes. Great, I get to walk from the bathroom, down the hall to my room, in a towel. I scoured my body, and washed my hair, until the water ran clean and I smelled like milk and honey.

Getting out of the shower, I was grateful when I saw that Jase did indeed leave me a clean towel. This would make my run to my room much less awkward, I know Laf has seen everything I have, but Erik hasn't and I am not prone to getting naked in front of strangers or potential bosses. I threw the bathroom door open, turned left to sprint down the hall and "oof!"

"Did you just say oof, little Grease monkey?" Erik Northman is standing in my hallway, with his hands on my very wet, very bare shoulders.

"…" I guppy mouthed, you know, when you open and close your mouth, like a guppy? "Why are you outside of my bathroom?"

"To make sure you were not escaping. Heaven forbid I do anything to bring the good lawmakers of this bump in the road down on me!" And the attitude is back. Definitely patronizing, the smile is smug, maybe not condescending.

"Well, if you'd get your paws off my shoulders, I'll just see about getting dressed so we can go. How would your boyfriend feel to see you feeling on me, anyways?" That seemed to be Erik's cue to guppy mouth, and Laf's cue to howl like a banshee. I have never, in all my years heard Lafayette laugh so hard, including the time Jase lost his pants playing football.

"Lover! Oh…you and I…Pam…y'alls Momma is gonna be…" Laf choked out around his laughter.

"Sookie, you think that Laf is my 'boyfriend'? That is absurd. Please, share how you came to this marvelous conclusion." He still had his hands on my shoulders. His big, warm…, sweet fluffy bunnies did I mention big, hands covering my shoulders, making me feel tiny.

"Umm…Laf kept callin' you Lover. The only people he has ever called that before were, well, his boyfriends. Laf d' ya need a tissue? I think your mascara is running, you can stop laughing now, it's not that funny!" I was sure that I was blushing enough to cast the hall in a red light, like Olive Oyl in an old Popeye cartoon.

"Oh Grease monkey," something about how he said that made me realize I am only in a towel. " Let me assure you that Laf is not what does it for me. I can appreciate his taste in makeup, and I can appreciate his taste in men, but I have always, much like Pamela, preferred women. About a month ago, I went to pick the she-beast with 1000 names up from the spa. Her stylist just kept hitting on me, so Laf walks up, drapes himself over me, and starts calling me 'Lover', the stylist backed off, the name stuck."

"Sugar, I met Her Royal Pamness shortly after, well, about a year ago. I was getting a manicure after a nail biting issue, and she was there. Girl, it was love at first sight! She needed a fairy god-brotha, just as much as you did, way back when, she and I hit it off, she introduced me to Erik, and the rest, history. You never told me you were interviewing at The Loft, and when Jase called to ask how many Northman's there are in Shreve, well, I knew yo ass needed my ass."

"Oh. Can I get dressed now?"


	4. How many names again?

**A/n - Y'all know that this isn't mine by now, right? I mean, the story, that's mine, the attitude, the language, that's on me, but enough if this came from Ms. C. Harris that I need to remember to give her credit, to point out that it's from her this greatness originated, and that no malice, ill-will or profit is happening on my part.**

**I will apologive to people who have been reviewing since 3 went up, with all the hecticness in my life, m personal replies o reviews have been lacking. I appreciate them more than I have the words to say. To those who are adding me to their favorites and alerts, Wow...just...thank you. **

**To the BP- Eventually, I hope to leave you with, you know...FEELINGS - maybe not this chapter, but this work, as a whole.**

**AdorableAnarchist- I love you, y'know? Even when you are super busy yourself, you take the time to rock my socks, and shake my world.**

**Soyshay- The amount of effort you put into reading and editing for me blows my mind. Seriously. I am going to build you a special shrine room in the Castle or something, to let you know just how very awesome you really are.**

**So, enough from me, time to see what, or who, chapter 4 has in store for you.**

_Last time, in_ Well Then…

"Oh. Can I get dressed now?"

_**Chapter 4- How many names again?**_

Laf was laughing, again. Erik slowly slid his hands from my shoulders to my wrists before stepping back, and pressing himself again the wall. I passed in between the two of them; feeling like Alice must have after drinking the potion. I stand 5 foot 6 in flat feet. Laf, I know, is about 6 feet even, which meant Erik had to be 6 foot 4, or thereabouts. I'll have to remember Erik's height as I get dressed; I need to make sure that my tops are going to cover my cleavage from an aerial perspective. In short order, I am leaving my bedroom in a nude bra, white beater, white button up, buttoned just past the swell of the breasts, the beater makes sure I am not popping cleavage out all over the place, and my black skinny slacks. Professional enough for a club, unassuming, easy to alter, dress up, loosen up, whatever I need to do. My hair was brushed and put in a quick French braid, and I put on a little bit of makeup, mostly powder and lip gloss.

"Alright, let's get rollin'!"

"Lover, I promised Petunia that I would bring her coffee if I made it in. You promised to deliver a Sook, so you take the girl, and I'll see your fine ass when I see it."

"Petunia?"

"Erik will explain, Sug! Luck now, be you, not 'proper Sookie' but you, good ol' down home Sook, she'll love it, you'll be great, kisses!" With that, Laf was off in a sea of glitter and awesomeness. We left the house, and I headed towards Erik's baby. Shiny chrome grille, Torpedo Gray paint, blackout hubs, so it was made between Jan and Feb of 42. I wanted to marry this car, and I am pretty sure that The Beast was jealous, sitting in impound. I slid in the seats, and immediately relaxed, I will swear under oath that you can feel the love that has been bestowed upon this Chevy.

"Are you enjoying your ride so far, Grease monkey? You seem so quiet, and earlier, I was afraid I would have to get creative to shit you up. I hope you are not nervous. Really, you are over half way done with the interview process, having met me, shown your mastery of bartending, you did prove that you know what goes in a daiquiri!"

"Y'know what? Not gonna bring me down right now. My fairy god-brotha said to be me, so I'm gonna be me! Now, who or what is Petunia?"

"Among other things, Petunia is the most popular of bedding flowers, one could say it is delicate, it is also related to Deadly Nightshade…oh, remind me to tell Laf about Deadly Nightshade. "

"Why the fuck would Laf by a flower a mocha?"

"Oh, the Mocha is for Ms. Prissy Pammy."

"Ms. Prissy Pammy? You seriously call your boss all of these names?"

"Oh, no, I don't call my boss all of these names, I call my _cousin_ The She-beast with 1000 names all of these. In fact, it was one of the conditions on getting this car. My uncle pulled me aside and said 'Son, if I am going to let you take my sweet and darling girl out into the world, you will need to treat her right. Only the best for her, highest quality fuel, regular washing and waxing, don't park her in direct sunlight, but don't park her under trees, either. Oh, also, remember to keep Whiny Winifred's head from getting too big, my Pamela has an inflated sense of self-worth, I am afraid.' As he gave me the car, I make sure I call Pamela ridiculous names to remind her of who she really is."

"That is the biggest load of horse pucky ever."

"Not really. My uncle is Pamela's father, she really is my cousin, you see. He also gave me the car. He told me to look after his girl, and treat her well, but I am fairly certain that he meant Pam, not the car. The name calling is a perk I get from growing up with her."

"So, y'all grew up together then? Isn't it strange working for family? I couldn't ever work with Jase, although Tara and Laf seemed to do ok. How come Laf has known y'all for a year, and I ain't heard nothing 'bout it til now? Why haven't ya hired Laf to work at the Raven's Loft? If your uncle is Pam's dad, and Pam's a lesbian, why the different last names?"

"Now now, Kitten, slow down. Yes, Pamela and I grew up together; no, I don't work for family, I work with family; I couldn't tell you why Lafayette doesn't talk about us, I hope he isn't ashamed; Pamela doesn't want to hire a cook to mix or serve drinks; Ravenscroft is the maiden name of Pamela's mother. That was everything, yes?"

"Why am I suddenly Kitten?"

"You are a curious one, aren't you? We are here. Brace yourself."

No sooner had Erik said that, then the door was being ripped open, and Pamela Ravenscroft was there, in all her glory. Tall, thin and muscular but still feminine with long honey blonde hair stood Pamela. Judging by the look of her outfit, I chose mine well. I knew that my slacks and button up were nothing any more special than what could be bought at Target, whereas Pam's were more than likely designer, we matched.

"You must be Sookie! I am so pleased to meet you, Laf has talked my ears right off telling me how amazing and funny and perceptive you are.

Erik, you ass, are you going to help her out of this thing you insist on driving? Daddy only gave it to you because Mom wanted it out of the garage, you know that, right?

Now, Sookie, is it OK if I call you Sook? Darling, I just love the way it sounds, Sook, its borderline vulgar! Anywho, Sook, as I said when you called earlier, I really do want to keep you! I could just lock you right up in my office, but I am sure you would be missed.

What I am looking for is someone who has experience waiting tables and working behind a bar, and understands what it entails, I need to replace Erik as floor manager before we remodel. When people realize that he's a partial owner in this club, well, it's just going to be better for everyone for him to not be managing. He'll still be involved in the day to day, as it's what he prefers.

Laf assured me when he saw your resume in my Birkin that you would be more than qualified for the job, as you apparently 'ran Merlotte's while Sam fucked the brunette bimbo', you'll have to fill me in.

Erik, don't just stand there, go get us a drink or something. I'll take a gin and-"

"Deadly Nightshade- I swear if you don't shut up for five seconds, I will run you over, and bury you in the swamp behind Sookie's current job. Did you know they HAVE actual swamp in Bon Temps? Your favorite friend will be here soon with a mocha for you. I don't think you need the caffeine, but what do I know. Now that you have spilled some more of our secrets, and undoubtedly scarred the poor Kitten's ear drums, let's move inside and attempt to have a proper interview, yes"?

What the hell just happened? What the fuck am I getting myself into?


	5. Waitwhat?

**A/N: C. Harris created, she owns, not mine, no ill will, no malice, no profit, just my storyline, yaddayadda**

**AdorableAnarchist- I love you, and want to have totally impossible, rediculously talented, foul-mouthed babies with you.**

**Soyshay- You are amazing. Also, I want your hair. **

**Brat Pack- I always tell myself that I know what I am going to say to let y'all know just how very much I appreciate you. How much y'all are loved, but I haven't found the adequate words yet.**

**Readers and reviewers- I have learned that sometimes, one sentence is more meaningful, more powerful, than a novel. You are my mana and my muse right now.**

**So, here's Chapter 5, already. Chap 6 will be seeing a bit more humor, a bit more skin, but we need to get this out of the way, first...**

_Last time…_

What the hell just happened? What the fuck am I getting myself into?

Chapter 5- Wait…what?

Erik herded us inside the building, but I couldn't tell you how. My head was spinning, and I was trying to piece together all the information I just got. Pam is Erik's cousin Pam and Erik own The Raven's Loft together. They are remodeling, and looking for a new manager, as Erik won't be doing it anymore, which means that they want me to be a manager, not wait staff…Pogo sticking Penguins! Management is salaried. Management has benefits. Management is not living paycheck to paycheck. Management is working hours that are at least standardized, if not normal.

I spent the next ninety minutes doing what I came to do. Pam would ask questions that actually pertained to the job, I would answer. How would I deal with a no call/no show, what are signs to look for to cut someone off, what sort of scheduling and ordering systems had I worked with at Merlotte's, HAVE I actually worked with scheduling and ordering systems. It cracked me up that she asked in that order, as how could I answer the first, if I hadn't the second? I was feeling really confident, and starting to get a little cocky, when Erik finally interrupted with a question of his own. That was the moment that I was certain the interview went down in flames.

"Capuchin, how would you conduct an interview?"

"Certainly not like this one started, and what the fuck, Erik, you're calling me a monkey now? I busted ass to let you know I would need to reschedule this, I have had the strangest day imaginable, I have been called more names that aren't mine, and that may be offensive, I don't know yet, and you are wondering how _**I**_ would interview someone? I wouldn't make up names for them. I wouldn't share family history with them, and I sure as hell wouldn't drive to a different town to pick them up from jail, just to interview them!" Wow, so that's what both feet taste like. I could feel the blush starting, as I realized what I just blurted out.

"Oh, Erik, wasn't I right? Please tell me we can keep her. She will be perfect!"

"You may be right, My Little Spite Dumpling. Capuchin here certainly is in a league of her own. She is more than capable of keeping up with us, keeping us on our toes even, and certainly putting us in our place.

Sookie, a Capuchin is a helper monkey. Pam and I think that you would fit in really well. I will admit that yes, Laf did tell us a bit about you, when we asked, and explained WHY we were asking. Anyone we bring in to help us manage needs to fit in. They need to be able to take what we throw at them, sort through the pompousness, and then make it work.

The reason I drove down to get you is that today really was the best day to talk to you. We don't ask anyone else to interview, we don't work like that on major positions. Instead, we talk to people one by one, and when we find the one that works, we stop, assuming you want the position. Do you, Sookie? Do you want it? The position?"

Mary, Jesus and Joseph, could he have sounded any more sexual at the end of that? Do I want the position, which one, I would love to be bent over the back of your couch, I wouldn't object to your desk, either…

"What, exactly, does the position require? I'm not gonna agree to anything 'til I know what it is I'm saying I'm gonna do." It seemed reasonable to ask. Maybe not as polite as I should have been, all right, if Gran were still alive, she'd have me over her knee for how today has gone, but not unreasonable.

"Well, among other things, it requires you to be called by numerous different names." Pam piped in, "Erik seems to have a thing. He remembers names, but likes to think they are beneath him, Darling. You would be in charge of hiring wait staff and bartenders, and letting us know who needs to be fired. I simply ADORE firing people, it's true. Schedules, ordering, help us come up with theme nights, party planning and the like. Anything involving music will be left up to Erik, but if you have a problem with a DJ, let him know. Erik will also let you know, well in advance, of any live bands, so you can schedule accordingly. "

"It will also require you to be treated like a piece of meat by Pam, as apparently, she has a thing as well." Erik then stuck his tongue out at Pam before continuing. "Pam left a few key things out, which is why, up till now, I have run the Loft. Pay is 45 a year, plus benefits. One of the benefits is the use of a 'company' car, and a small apartment above the club.

When you take the job, you will not turn down the car. I have seen your truck, it is unacceptable. The apartment is non-negotiable as well. You don't have to move everything here, I understand you have a house, but you will be expected to be here, for work, from 2pm until 10pm at a minimum, Tuesday thru Saturday, with Sunday and Monday as your days off. There will be times when you will need to be on call, and if there is an emergency, we need you near. The club, even after any changes, is closed on Mondays, and is only open to private events on Sundays. Petunia and I both have apartments above the club, and Laf has been known to stay with Petunia when she isn't…entertaining. We both have homes elsewhere, as well. You can see how being able to be 'on site' during the work week helps, yes?

You will have to deal with the press when I don't want to. Pamela touched on letting me know if you have an issue with a DJ, and I cannot stress how important that is. We had one who was harassing the waitresses, and I won't stand for that again. I will hire bouncers, with your help, largely because of the DJ issues.

You will also be required to dress in a manner befitting your position. We can discuss that later."

I sat there, while they looked at me, processing everything. Forty-five thousand dollars a year is a staggering amount of money, especially to someone who was used to living off of tips, and minimum wage. Hell, I am pretty sure that Sam doesn't even take that much home form Merlotte's and he is the owner. I have never managed a group this large before, technically, I have never been a manager, but I did help run Merlotte's, so I wasn't worried about the knowledge, just my ability. It helps knowing Laf thinks I can do this. Jase will shit a brick when he hears that I will be spending so much time in Shreve, but at the same time, it will help with the ladies, the 6 he still hasn't snagged in Bon Temps, that is, if his sister isn't around all the time. I suppose I can always make meals in advance for him, so that I know he's eating, and I can clean up after him on the 'weekends' when I am home.

"Daaarling, have we scared you off?"

Apparently, I had been thinking about this longer than I realized, for Pam to finally pipe up.

"I think y'all have yourselves a new manager! A few things about me, though. I swear. I am prone to speakin' without thinkin'. I ain't stupid, just not refined, exactly. I don't want anything I say biting me in the ass. Jase, that's my brother, he's more than likely gonna come down here and be all blow and bluster at ya, make sure you're 'respecting' his baby sister. I'm all he has left. He may be about as smart as a mushroom, but he's loyal, and decent. If you still want me after everything today had to offer, I'm yours."

"Excellent! It's already coming on midnight. I don't think that you will be getting back to Bon Temps tonight. " Erik had a point, it was late, and I was tired. "Why don't we head downstairs, take a look at what the club is like when it's prime time for us. After that, we can go upstairs, show you the apartments, and get you tucked in. Since your apartment isn't ready yet, and Pam will have Laf waiting in hers to find out how this went, I think that tucking into my bed is going to be the best bet. All right, let us be off!"

Ok then, Laf must be in Pam's apartment, which would explain why I never saw him with her mocha. Check out the club, check out the apartments, and get tucked into Erik's bed.

Tucked into Erik's bed?

**Bonus A/N - Hey, all y'all who actually read these A/Ns- If you drop me a line with a name you want to see used for Pam, Sookie, or hell, any character, I'll see were I can work it in. You can PM if you don't want to review. I'll do my best. If it's for a character that won't appear, I'll either use it on someone else, or give a nod somewhere to it...smooches.**


	6. Snuggle bunny?

**A/N- This is un-beta'd- the move kicked my butt, and I wanted to make sure I got something to all y'all. Any mistakes are mine, all mine…mwahahahahah**

**With the exception of mistakes, I don't own, Harris does, etc….the drill, ya know it.**

**AdorableAnarchist- I still love you**

**Soyshay- you still rock**

**Brat Pack, y'all are always a driving factor in what I do. **

**Oh- to clarify, chap 1 is based on a real event, the rest, if it's real, it isn't from MY reality. Here was an interview, after being arrested, but it wasn't for anything other than another bar tender/wait staff position.**

**Well, with much love, here you are….**

Last time-

Tucked into Erik's bed?

_**Chapter 6- Snuggle bunny?**_

Sometime in the last two hours, I lost my shirt. I am pretty sure that it's under the table at 'The Booth'. I remember I was wearing it during the interview, and I remember wearing it when Eric walked me down to the main floor of the club.

#-#

"Kitten, I wanted to bring you down here so that you would have a chance to see what it's like during prime time on a Friday. We have a good amount of soundproofing between this level, the offices, and the apartments, so the noise won't filter up." Erik was almost yelling over his shoulder in order for me to hear him. When we arrived at The Loft, we went directly to the second floor, so I never noticed just how packed the club was, the soundproofing was more than adequate as I never realized how lound the place actually was.

"Hey! Would it be OK if we found a place to sit, and have a Coke or somethin'? I really wanna get an idea of the layout."

"Follow me, Kitten; I have a little spot where I sit when I am keeping an eye on everything."

It became apparent that a little spot to Erik was a normal person equivalent of a 'glaringly obvious, center of attention, why not use a spotlight on it" booth. Looking at Erik's height again, I can understand him needing a both that's a little bigger, in order to not be cramped while he sits. I cannot understand him needing the spotlight, the elevated platform, or having it in the middle of the dance floor. I'll give him this much, you really can see the entire club from 'The Booth' though. A waitress came up to the table, sticking out her chest and licking her lips. Jeebus, if that's how the waitresses all act around Erik, I'm going to have to recommend they replace them all. It's never a good idea to keep employees who want to sleep with you…Maybe I'll have to rephrase that. I don't know if I would say no iffin he offered a tumble.

"So, what can I _do_ for you tonight?"

"Well, sweetie," I jumped in, before Erik could reply, "You could bring me a Coke with lime, low ice, you can bring YOUR BOSS whatever he normally orders to drink. You can stop with the sexy voice, as that shit just ain't workin' for ya, let me tell you, and you can get word around that I'm gonna be the new floor manager, I have experience working a floor, and I want wait staff with more floor than pole in their demeanor, ya ken my meaning?"

I was fairly certain that if our waitress didn't leave the table shortly, Erik was going to do some serious damage while trying not to laugh. Nope, apparently, it didn't matter to him if she left or not, and his laughter, his beautiful laughter, could be heard throughout the club, even over 'Pumped Up Kicks".

"Smitten Kitten, you look like you can dance. We should dance. Let me talk to the DJ, run to the bar and grab our drinks, as I think you need some rum in that Coke, and then we will dance." With that, he was off. I am glad that he went to get our drinks, as even though it took him 5 minutes with the DJ, our waitress never came back to our table. I am really going to enjoy watching Pamela fire her. Oooh! Maybe Pam will let ME fire her! I will total have to ask.

"Drinks, my bumpkin, a Cuba Libre for you a screwdriver for me, drink so we can dance." With that proclamation, I witnessed Erik slam a drink, and smile. "Remember now, Grease monkey, friends don't let friends drive drunk, looks like you are definitely staying here now." He winked, grabbed my hand, and had me on the floor within thirty seconds.

"Really, _Word Up_?" I hollered. "You can have anything played, and you choose this?" Instead of answering, Erik just turned up until he was standing behind me. One would think that with his having damn near a foot on me, height wise, dancing would be awkward. One would be dead wrong. I could lean the back of my head on his chest, his hand fit my waist and hips perfectly, and any prominent bulges were hidden in the curvature of my back.

Four songs later, sweaty, happy, having proven that I am an awesome dancer, he starts unbuttoning my shirt while we dance.

"Erik, y'all wouldn't be tryin' to get me nekkid, would you?"

"No, Kitten, not at all- you have a shirt under this one, you have a bra, and you are getting too warm and are overdressed anyways. We'll hit the booth, drop this shirt, get some more drinks, and then go back to dancing."

#-#

That brings us to now, sitting on a bed, wondering what happened to my shirt.

"Itsy Bitsy Tipsy- let me tuck you into bed. I'll be across the hall with Lafayette, and I'll send Cuddle Butt in to sleep with you. I wish I knew you were such a lightweight, I humbly apologize. It was not my attempt to get you drunk. Do not worry, Cuddle Butt will keep you safe." With that, Erik kissed my forehead, tucked me in, and left me to wonder why the hell he called Pam Cuddle Butt.

**A/n- again, if you've reqad this far, especially in this chapter, thank you! REmember, if you tell me a nickname you wanna see used, I will work them in. I only got to onein this chapter, I recieved more than one, and they WILL all be used. smooches!**


	7. No really, snuggle bunnies

**A/N First, the disclaimers- y'all know it ain't mine, I'll keep reminding you, but seriously, C. Harris- her creations, my dance club, yaddayadda **

**I am sorry for the delay. Moving and unpacking are kicking me in the ass. Due to my desire to get this to you as fast as possible, once again, it isn't beta'd. Please don't hold ANY OF THIS against AdorableAnarchist or Soyshay- They don't even know I am posting it. Any mistake are mine, and mine alone….conversely, if you think it's awesomesauce- yeah, that's all on me, too :P**

**This chapter is a little bit different, on top of being shorter, and less dialogue heavy, it's a brief little jaunt into Erik's mind.**

**Brat pack, I love y'all**

**Reviewers, people who have me on alert, follow, favorites, etc….you humble me, every day, you inspire me to be better.**

**So, here y'all are**

**Chapter 7- **_No really, snuggle bunnies._

"Lordy, if that ain't the most precious thing, you seeing this Lover?"

"Laf, how can I not, it is happening in my bed, after all…what do you think, Ermantrude, should we wake her up?"

"ERMANTRUDE!" Pamela screeched, and that screeching is what woke up Sookie. The Capuchin really is adorable when she sleeps, and having Cuddle Butt in bed with her isn't hurting any.

"Why the hell are you AARRRGGGG!" It is apparently the morning for women to screech. "Erik, you are wearing a pink silk robe. There is a _thing_ in the bed, I wanna know what it is, iffen it's gonna bite me, and then I wanna know what's goin' on."

"In no particular order, the _thing_ is a pure bred English Angora bunny rabbit. His name is Cuddle Butt, and he's the only male allowed my bed. I let him in last night to protect you in your sleep. The robe is Laf's, I slept in bed with him last night. To my knowledge, there is no biting happening, anywhere." I wonder how she's going to react to me having a pet bunny.

"This pile of floof is a bunny? All right. How is a bunny gonna protect me? Know what, no, don't answer that. I appreciate that you tucked me in, without you, I 'preciate that I am in my clothes, and I would really, truly love directions to a bathroom. Also, Laf, get me provisions and a kitchen."

Well, it appears that someone woke up on the bossy side of the bed. Dam if it isn't sexy, though. I barely paid attention as Laf directed the bumpkin to the bathroom, and some aspirin. I was too busy watching Pamela try not to look at Sookie's chest. I did leave her in her clothes last night, but her shirt had been removed in the club, and tucked under my booth. Her wife beater and bra really showcased that the woman had assets.

When I got that phone call last night, I knew that life was going to get interesting. Lafayette talked almost constantly about 'his little Sook', so when we got a resume from a Sookie Stackhouse Pamela and I knew it was the same person. Pamela insisted that she would be perfect, but I was leery, how much could a backwater waitress know about managing a club? I have never been so happy to be proven wrong in my life. Even covered in strawberries and liquor, and being in a jail cell, Sookie commanded attention. She was short, and curvy, blonde and sun-kissed, and she was not attempting to play any of that up. As a waitress and a bartender, your looks are a tool, and that she was relying on her personality said a lot. As soon as she opened her mouth, I was hooked. Smart and a smart-ass, sarcastic and scathing while still being proper…I reminded myself to look into how long I was supposed to date someone before asking them to marry me, then I reminded myself I was joking, right?

When Laf told Barney Fife, Dub Beermore…whatever the officer's name was, that we would take responsibility of the Grease Monkey for the weekend, I think I may have actually heard angels sing. I had a valid reason to keep her, to get to know her; to see how much was an act and how much was genuine. After getting to her house, I realized that there was a lot Laf never told us. How does she own a house? Why does her brother live with her? There is a noted hesitation whenever last year is mentioned, I will have to either have our investigator dig around, or see what I can find. Maybe, and Pamela will have a field day with this, maybe, I will ask, or wait until she tells me. I have a feeling that Sook's trust is not easily given, but once you have it, it's yours. I wonder if she's like that with all of herself, her heart, her body.

"Erik, you gonna sit there stroking Cuddle Butt all morning, or are you gonna move that fine ass into the kitchen, as Baby Girl said she was gonna make us up some biscuits and gravy, and you really need to taste her gravy!"

"Laf, you ain't talking up my gravy none, are ya? It's Gran's gravy, I'm just lucky enough to make it now. Remember that. She would tan your ass for getting it wrong." Sweet Flying Hippos, I believe is the expression she would use. Standing in the entry way of my kitchen is a goddess. Her hair is wet and loose around her shoulders, and she is wearing what looks to be one of my shirts, with the belt from her jeans. One of my white shirts. Do I tell her that her skin is just wet enough, and the sunlight is just bright enough, to leave nothing to the imagination, or do I just sit here, watch, and hope I don't drool.

"Verrrrrry niiiiiiiice!" Petunia, of course, "Sook, darling, tell me more about your gravy, is it…salty?"

"Honey Buns, you'll have to forgive Ermentrude, she seems to have forgotten that innuendo must wait until after breakfast. Would you be able to put some of that sweet grass in a bowl, it's time for Cuddle Butt to be fed, too."

"Sure, I can do that," Sookie grinned as she spoke, "But why do you keep calling him Cuddle Butt?"

"Sweetie Pie, it's his name. You know what a name is, right?"

"So, you don't seem to care about anyone else's name."

"Well, I didn't name everyone else, did I?"

Sookie just turned red. If I didn't know better, I would assume she never washed the strawberry off of her. "Erik, you not only have a pet bunny, but you named him Cuddle Butt, and you wonder why I thought you and Laf were together?"

Shit. When she puts I that way, is it any wonder.


	8. Breakfast pondering

**A/N Don't own, does, just playing with her toys…No ill will, no malice, no profit.**

**Dear, sweet readers- I am sorry for the delay, first and foremost. I have a huge list of reasons why I haven't gotten anything posted more recently, but it boils down to this, I write when they speak to me. Sometimes this means I wake up at 3 in the morning to jot something down on the notebook by my bed, sometimes it means that I stare at the keyboard for three days, wondering why the voices have stopped…that sounded wrong…Sometimes characters from another Fandom talk to me, and then I feel guilty for not writing here. I will hold to my original intent of at least once a week, more if I can.**

**This is unbeta'd, this does not mean that AdorableAnarchist and SoyShay are not awesome, as they are both made of win, this just means that I was too damned last to send it to them, wait to get it back, edit, and post, so all mistakes are my own.**

**I am amazed that there is still interest in this, and that y'all actually enjoy what I right, smooches and mismatched socks for all of y'all.**

**Without further ado, here is Chap 8**

_Breakfast pondering_

I smell like Erik. I wonder why none of them thought to send me to Pam's apartment to shower, being she would more than likely have the toiletries a woman would use. Instead, I now smell like Old Spice Matterhorn, and the mint in his shampoo. It's fortunate that I don't have to think when I make biscuits and gravy, as all I can focus on is Erik, his bunny, and that I smell like him. Granted, before I showered, I smelled like _his bed_; and a bunny. A Bunny who was in Erik Northman's bed!

Whoa, Sookie! Let's try and reel in the inner teenager here, yeah? Remember, we don't do love at first sight!

No, but we sure as hell do lust, at any sight, and have you SEEN him?

Of course I have, if you have I have…fuck, I am gonna burn the gravy if I sit here talking to myself. "Pam, seriously, it's a good gravy, lay off the innuendo, and fire the bimbo who was working the booth last night."

"Damn. Miss Sook here is certainly efficient in the morning. I don't fire anyone until I have my coffee, but if what Erik told me is true, and I have no reason to doubt him, she'll be gone by the time we open. Speaking of, I want you to schedule a time to either watch or interview everyone who will be working under you, so you can decide who to get rid of, all right, Darling?" Damn, and she was accusing me of being efficient.

"Lover, Ermentrude, I was thinking I would drive baby girl to her home today, so she can get some clothes, and let Jase know what's going on. Y'all are gonna need to prepare to have a mini Erik with Ermentrude's sensibilities running around for a few days. I know he's got vacay saved up at work, and I guarantee your asses he ain't gonna be happy about Sook just up and leaving for large chunks of time. Dollars to donuts, he's gonna wanna crash here, make sure Sookie's safe, and take advantage of any Shreve women he hasn't hit up, hit on, or tapped, yet." Laf wasn't wrong. Jason has always taken care of me, whether I wanted him to or not. Even when he was King Shit of our high school, he took care of me, made sure I never fell in with a bad crowd, as we got older still; made sure I never dated unless he approved of them. Gran had a fairly easy time with me, due to Jason. I may talk a lot of smack about him, and admittedly, some of it is deserved, but Jason sacrificed a lot of Gran and me, and in the year since Gran passed, he has kept me going. I complain about the cooking and cleaning, but having someone to take care of gives me a purpose. Jason has gotten really overprotective of me in the last year, though. He almost panics if he doesn't know where I am. Losing Gran hit him harder than he will ever admit.

There is a very real fear that Jason will totally build a barricade between me and Erik if he see's anything he thinks is inappropriate. I was thrilled as all get out when he made it clear to Sam that I was not available to him, but if Erik wants to go for a ride, and he and I think it won't affect our working relationship, then I am game, and I will introduce my tiny little foot to Jase's ass if he tries to interfere. The downside to Jase being around, other than his possible cock-blocking ways, it what he won't care if I want a woman in here or not, if he manages to snag one.

"Swinging Rhino! If Jason behaves, his being around isn't going to be an issue, is it?" After I asked this, I remembered that Erik and Pam are cousins. They shouldn't have any complaints. "He tends to take home women, a lot, but he isn't a total idiot." Laf snorted when I said that.

"Lover, by not a total idiot, Sook here means that Jase can read, he can write, he can be rather intelligent, as long as he's thinking with the right head. He rarely uses the right head."

"Ah, so then, Jason is the male version of our Ermentrude here, yes?"

"Oh yeah, Lover. You get someone with breasts and a vagina in front of him, and all brain function ceases beyond determining what needs to be done to get in their pants. I once saw the poor man let a half gallon of ice cream melt because he walked a mile out of his way just to 'walk her home' and then he couldn't 'turn down her appreciation' which led to a shirt being inside out." Huh, I wondered why I had melty ice cream that time he walked to the store.

"The reason all of our bar napkins are purple is because Ermentrude here thought the last salesgirl was 'too hot to deny' so she not only ordered more than we needed, but ordered purple, because the woman told her it would be 'pretty'. Capuchin, that's part of why you will be ordering, so you know. I hope you are not easily swayed by a pretty face." He winked.

Speaking of," Pam, why is everyone calling you Ermentrude this morning?"

"Ermentrude is a new one on me, Sook, why do you have a pink and green fairy tattooed on your butt?"


	9. Ink and Tears

**A/N- made them, I just use them.**

**This chapter is coming fast and hard on the heels of the last one. It is silly, and serious, and I needed hankies writing it, and hopefully, it will leave you with FEELINGS, and none of those will be "Olor et Luna, you suck rabid wombats"**

**Un-beta'd again, as I am impatient**

**Brat Pack, I love ya**

**Readers who aren't Brat Pack- I love y'all too**

**Northwoman, does this make up for the repeat of Ermentrude in chap 7 and 8?**

**Enjoy- Chap 9**

_**Ink and Tears**_

"Why don't you have a pink and green fairy on your ass? That's what I want to know, Nellie!"

"Did Bumpkin just call you Nellie?"

"Hoo boy, she's mad now, Nellie!"

"What the fuck, why Nellie?"

"NOSY NELLIE!" Erik, Laf and I all yelled at once.

"Well, if that's how you are going to be, I'll just take my food, and coffee, and go back across the hall, and fuck it, that's just too much work. Nellie it is."

"Whatever you say, Segenam," Erik said, "Maybe if we ask nice, La Bella Angora over here will explain the reasoning behind her ink?"

"Day-um, someone be busting out the oblique names!" Laf looked impressed.

"Tell y'all what, Erik over here explains the names, and I'll explain the fairy on my LOWER BACK, not my butt."

"Oh, La Bella Angora, no problem, you are the famous Tattooed Lady, and Sagenam over there is 'lazy', in Algonquin. I've actually been looking for an opening to call her that one, so thank you. Now, on to your art, Monkey."

I sighed, turned my back to them, made sure my undies were in place, and lifted the hem of the shirt up to the small of my back. "Go on, then, get in close and get a good look at it, then I'll answer any questions."

"Oh my, Darling, that is…wow…I don't…"

"Let's see what rendered Locquacious Laura here speechless…Oh My God…is that…Laf?"

"Lover, you and Chatty Cathy are seeing true. Sook here has her Fairy-god Brotha tattooed, on her "lower back" also known as her upper left ass check. Mm-hmm…I own her ass, and she won't never be forgetting it!" Lafayette broke out laughing at that.

"So, To be absolutely clear, my Bumpkin, " Why did I shiver like that at Erik calling me _his_ Bumpkin? "You have a tat, of Laf, as a fairy, on your…back, because he owns your backside? And you are wondering if we have any questions? I think it demands an explanation, at the very least."

"Right after highschool, I went out with some friends that neither Jase nor Gran approved of. There was some drinking, some groping, and a refusal on my part to ride anywhere with the person who brought me. Laf and his cousin Tara cam and picked me up. I told Laf that I was so indebted to him that he owned my ass. He and Tara talked me into the tat. It seemed like a fine idea at the time, and how often is anyone gonna see my ass?" I blurted out, "Anyways, Laf drew it, Tara inked it, and then I could barely sit for a week. I am pretty sure Gran could have whupped me for being stupid, and it would have hurt less. Now, whenever I think about doing somethin' I shouldn't, I just remember that Laf is on my back to make me behave, literally."

"Sookie," Pam sounded cautious, this should worry me, "You've mentioned your Gran a few times. Won't she be worried about you spending so much time here?" Fuck. I don't want to talk about it, but I suppose I best. Laf walked over to me, wrapped himself around me, like a protective blanket.

"So, my parents died when I was 8, Jase were 11. Gran took us in. Here she was, almost retied, her son and daughter in law dies in a car accident, and instead of letting Jase and I go to our aunt Linda, or foster, she took us in. Worked 2 jobs, sold Daddy's house, to pay off Mom's few gambling debts, and to not have to get assistance if she could help it. Our Aunt Linda was raising Hadley, my cousin, on her own, so Gran would be dealing with getting me and Jase to school, and then watching this kid who was 4 years younger than me, baking, balancing the books for the church…

She loved us.

Right after the party where I got the tattoo, she had a stroke. Jase was already working the road crew, paying as many bills as she would let him, but he couldn't afford a nurse or a nursing home, so I put off college. She just…she sacrificed so much for us, and Linda and Hadley moved to MN about 12 years ago, she only has us, we only have each other and her.

She recovered pretty well. She could be alone while Jase and I were working, as long as she didn't bake. A few years ago, I had to replace the oven after she forgot she turned it on. Gran still loved to read, and she would joke that the library was like brand new again, after the stroke. So, last year, I was looking into starting college again. Gran was doing awesome, Jase and I were managing to pay all the bills between his work, and me tossing drinks at Merlotte's, I had an informational meeting at LSU Shreveport…Jase was working…she should have been fine…" At this point, I broke down.

"Sookie came home, a little after lunch, and found Gran at the bottom of the stairs. She called me and Tara, I called Jason, and Jase, bless him, called Bud. The doctors think that gran had another stroke, fell. She was unconscious, broken hip, broken arm. They brought her to the hospital, she never regained consciousness. Pneumonia set in at some point, and after a week, we just lost her. Since then, Sookie has been taking care of the house. Adele, that's Gran, left it to Sookie; Jason stays there to help out. He pays what he can, and he does all the maintenance. Shit, that boy has probably saved them thousands in driveway work, and roof repair. It was about a week after the funeral that I met Pam."

Laf just kept stroking my back and arms while he talked. It was a fair question on their part, and it's not like it was a big secret, it's just that it took me forever to be able to function again after that. If I hadn't been in Shreve that day, she wouldn't have fell. If she did fall, I would have been there to call an ambulance immediately. I would still have Gran now.

"Sookie stop blaming yourself right now!" I looked up to see Erik, giving me a mix somewhere between stern and startled, at Pam's outburst, Pam continued, "There was nothing you could have done. People die. It sucks, but it happens, and we move on. Find something that reminds you of her, and put it on your ass with your Fairy Laf. Remind yourself that she's always with you, and that for years, by your account, she fucking rocked at raising you into an amazing woman."

"She's right, you know. She is never going to let me forget that I said that, AGAIN, but she is right. When my mom passed, I had just turned 18. Pam, her dad, and myself all got tats of a hummingbird, in honor of her. It reminds us that she's around." Erik said.

"Well, Laf," I sniffled, "On our drive back to Bon Temps, we'll need to pick something that works for us, as well as Jase and Tara, yeah?"

"Sure Sweetie, we'll do that. Now, get yourself cleaned up, put on some pants, and let's head on out!"

Great, I have a hugely revealing, emotional moment, in nothing but Erik's shirt, a belt, and my underwear. Go me!


	10. Didn't See That One

**A/n – C. Harris gave me the names, I gave them the kick ass personalities. Seriously, do not own. Wish I did. No profit, no ill-will, no malice.**

**Apparently, after a week and a half of only grudgingly talking to me, the cast of **_**Well Then**_**… just can't shut up. This is awesome for you, the reader, as it means more published chappies, faster. This may potentially suck for you readers, as what I am writing may be utter and total crap. Granted, it could be anyhow.**

**Two in one evening, yeah! My apologies, though, for this being a chapter with no Erik or Pam interaction. I hope the interactions that ARE in this chapter make up for it, at least a little bitty bit.**

**At the time I started writing this, I had over 80 reviews, and a ridiculous number of views and hits, on this story…I need to crack my thesaurus, find some words to use other than deeply and greatly humbled.**

**Hat tip to treewitch703- they'll know why when they read it.**

**Btw, this is totally my longest chapter to date. I debated breaking it up, but nah, y'all get what y'all get, sometimes it's short, and sometimes it's this. **

**Unbeta'd. I should really contact my betas and let AdorableAnarchist and Soyshay know that I still love them, respect them, and want them, I've just failed to utilize them properly for the last few chaps…**

**On then, with Chapter 10 (I know, right?)**

_**Didn't see that one**_

I never put on pants.

Erik insisted it was fine, Pamela said she liked my legs, and Laf pointed out, after I started crying again, that Erik's shirt on my tiny frame was longer than some dresses. After the embarrassment of crying over pants, the drive back to Bon Temps was rather quiet. It was only on the last fifteen minutes or so that Laf and I talked at all.

"So Puddin', you given any thought to what reminds you of Gran?"

"I dunno, Laf, a buttered biscuit just doesn't seem to cut it, does it?"

"Magnolias, they are cliché, but the woman loved them."

"No, Azaleas, specifically her Lavender Formosa Azalea. She loved the hell out of those plants, and Jase will shit himself at having a purple flower on him."

"True that, but it needs to be more."

"A book, then, with the flower on the cover."

"A sugar, that is beautiful, and a tribute that she would love. I'll tell Jase while you pack. Are you gonna be OK with all this change, Sug? It's a lot, but it's time, you get that, right?"

"Yeah, and hell, Laf, you'll be right there. We still have to talk about yo knot telling me about them! Keeping Pam to yourself, keeping _Erik_ to yourself, that shit ain't right." We both were laughing by the time we got to the house. It'll be easier if Jase doesn't know I've been crying. "Laf, I just don't know if I can bare seeing Jason nekkid on top of someone on the couch again, can you go in first?"

"Ooooohhh! You don't need to ask me twice!" At that, Laf unlocked the door and threw it open, "Ding-Dong man-ho! Cover your shame unless you want me covering it for you!"

"What the hell, Laf! You gonna keep coming in here bellowing like that and I will figure out _something_ to stick in your mouth to shut you up, not like it's taken mu- Oh, Hey Sook! Wasn't expecting you!"

"You weren't expecting me, in my house, but Laf stompin' his yellin' ass in here at what, not even noon on a Saturday is fine? I'm sorry; did I interrupt you offering him a sandwich to keep him quiet?"

"Don't you be takin' that tone with me, young lady, I ain't the one who done got m'self arrested!"

"No, you're done the one who was stunned to see me, but not shocked to see Laf. Again, I ask, what the hell?"

"You were in Shreve, Laf called to tell me you were staying over 's'all. Hell, you know well as I do that he marches himself in here whenever he dang well pleases, he's only had a key for the last 10 years! Now, what're ya doin' home, and what the everloving turkey are you wearing!"

"D'ya like it? I think it makes me look tall, plus, y'know, I'm spathic." Laf snorted when I said that. He knew that I was treading on dangerous grounds with Jason right now, but really, I'm 25 and he's 28, it's not like we are teenagers anymore, it's not like he can tell me what I can and cannot wear.

"Sook, your showing leg all the way to the thigh, and your tits are falling out!"

"Yeah, makes me look tall, and spathic…look it up, I'm amazed you don't know it yet."

"So, go change, then tell me why you're here. Please" Damn, the way he ground out please, I am tripping the line.

"All right, I'll be back in a few, Laf wants to talk to you." Thus throwing Laf in the path of my brother, I went to 'get dressed' and to pack. I figure I'll call Sam, too. I almost ran to my room. All right, suitcase open and on the bed- all black pants and white tops, in the case, unders- functional AND sexy, just in case, bras- the same. A few skirts and dresses, a few tops that aren't white, and some jammies. Quick run to the bathroom to pack the toiletries, the hair dryer, mad dash back to the closet to grab the shoes and boots, I think that's everything. 15 minutes to pack and I am the reigning champion, GO SOOKIE! Crap, now it's time to call Sam. I really should have done this right, given him notice, but I got swept up in it, and frankly, he's treated me like crap over the last couple years.

"Hermphlgrumph – yeah?"

Heh, now he knows how I felt yesterday, crap, it was just yesterday!

"Sam, its Sookie. We need to talk."

"Well, Cher, it almost sounds like you're breaking up with me!"

"Well, Sam, I ain't your dear, and we ain't dating, so there is no breaking up to be had. I did, however, have an interview last night."

"No, Sook, you got arrested last night. Talking to Bud does not an interview make."

"You jack ass, I had an interview AFTER I got released. The only reason I got pulled over is because yesterday was the day from hell. I wouldn't have gotten arrested if YOUR cheap ass shake machine didn't blow up on me, and that wouldn't have happened if YOUR cheap ass bought quality things!"

"Now, kitten, you need to calm down."

"Oh HELL NO! You did not just call me kitten, there is only one man allowed to call me kitten, Sam Merlotte, and you are not it. I swear you ARE treating this like a break up. Well, let's make it easy on you, OK, it's not you, it's me, I found some people who want me for me, who will treat me right, and who will pay me what I am worth, and then some. I found some people who accept Laf for who he is, who have no issues with my brother, and who make me _laugh_, dammit." Wow, I didn't even know all that was bothering me!

"Sookie, sweetheart," Sam whined in my ear, " I cannot believe you think there is someone out there who will treat you better!"

"Sam, shove it. They are paying me a hefty salary, making sure I have a place to stay so I don't kill myself driving, and, fluffy bunnies Sam, it's just over. No notice, make Dawn haul her weight for all I care, send my check to the house." With that, I hung up. I felt a million times lighter, and like crap, all at the same time. Sam kept a roof over my head, and money in the bank, for years. Well, I did that, but he made it possible. He worked around my scheduling needs with Gran, too. He also would call me in after working doubles, and once he started dating Dawn, my schedules went all to hell.

About 3 years ago, Sam started to get a little touchy feely, started to look like he was going to ask me out. Jase marched right into Sam's office and informed him that I could do better than some hick-town bar owner, and that maybe Sam would do well to look at someone closer to his own age to ask out. There was some other stuff said, and I know at one point Laf stormed the office to break them up, but Sam stopped nosing around like bitch in heat after that.

Huh. I figured Jason would be hollering something fierce about the tattoo idea by now. When I got my fairy, you would have thought I had a horn surgically implanted on my forehead the way he reacted, but it's pretty quiet in the living room. I opened my door, as quietly as I could, and softly walked into the hall.

"Laf, she's my baby sister. Hell, she's all I have left, 'cept for you and Tara. Hadley and Linda couldn't be bothered to stay a week past Gran's funeral, and I just, I can't let anything happen to her. I can't let her fall into the trap of a playboy who's only gonna toss her when he's done."

"Lover, you mean someone like you?" Hell, Laf sure has loosened up with his terms of endearment, hasn't he?

"Ya know that's different, Laf!"

"And you know I wouldn't have let them contact her if it wasn't right for her, you idiot! Erik and Pam? They are good people. They are fine with you coming to stay for a while, as long as you stay out of trouble, hell, Sook's only concern is that you'll be bringing strange women back to her apartment!"

"Hell, Laf, y'know I wouldn't do that!"

"What the hell!" I yelled as I walked down the hall, "Haven't you talked to him about the tattoo at all? Have you spent all this time talking about me? Have yo-"

Jason and Laf are on my couch.

Jason and Laf are lying on my couch.

Together.

Snuggling.

"Jason, is your hand on Lafayette's back, ass, or thigh?"

"erm….this hand? It's on his thigh/ass area…"

"Jason, do I want to know where your OTHER hand is?"

"Oh, sugar, you most certainly do not want to know where lover-boys other hand is, no sir, you do not." Laf, for what had to be the hundredth time in the last 18 hours, looked like he was going to burst if he didn't start laughing soon.

"The hell, Laf, my other hand is on my chest, Sook. Look, I ain't gonna lie to ya, this may very well be exactly what it looks like, and it may very well have been going on for a while, but I ain't never lied to you! I really was bringing all them women home that you saw in the mornings, too!" That is what caused Laf to break. Great, rolling, booming peals of laughter poured out of the man who was currently curled up on my brother. Jase's reaction to the laughing, wriggling mass on his person is what surprised me. Instead of pushing Lafayette off of him, or being offended that Laf was cracking up, Jase wrapped his arms around him, anchoring him against his body, so that Laf wouldn't fall or get hurt. Well shit, he actually does care!

"Look, I may be a little hurt that I was never told, by EITHER of y'all, what was goin' on, but I am not angry…intrigued, wondering who else knows, mildly disgusted that you HAVE been bringing so many women home, but that ain't my business."

"Thanks, Sis! Hey, give me a few moments to toss some clothes in the duffel, and I'll follow ya back out in my truck, yeah?"

"Sure, Jase, we'll stop for lunch somewhere on the way, I can tell ya all about quitting Merlotte's, and we can talk about the tat all of us are gonna get!"

"KK, I wanna go somewhere with decent chili cheese fries, and WHAT THE CRAP DO YOU MEAN TATTOO!"


	11. Of Hearts and Heads

**A/N- C. Harris owns, I just bend and mold and shape, and distort, lol. No profit, no malice, no ill will, etc…**

**Not Beta'd, again…sigh, down side, all mistakes are mine, plus side, y'all are the direct recipients of my being so prolific.**

**For those who don't know, and didn't look it up, Spathic is a geological term, meaning to have good cleavage. Spathic is generally applied to rocks, crags, etc…**

**To all of my readers- Thank you, so much. Seriously, I am reverential to all that you do, all that you inspire within me.**

**Here y'all are, Chap 11**

_**Of Hearts and Heads**_

"Laf, care to explain why you have time to tell my brother about my job, reassure him about the time I'll be in Shreve, let him fondle your backside, but not tell him about the ink?"

"Aw hell, Sis, that one's easy! See, there's this thing I do with my tongue, and the spot right b'hind where his earlobe and jaw meet up, and it just shuts his brain right off, don't it, Laf?"

"Hmmm?" I have never seen Laf look such an odd combination of smug, worried, happy, and nervous before in my life. I actually don't think I have ever seen anyone with that look, to be honest.

"Laf, you are still my Fairy-God Brutha, I promise. I don't care who else knows, I'm still confused by it, to be honest, but I'm not angry. Stop playin' dumb, and do what you said you were gonna do!"

"Fine!" Laf huffed and rolled his eyes at me, "Jase, hun, to celebrate Gran, and all she meant to us, we, that being Sookie and I, think that the three of us, and Tara, should get ink; a book, hard bound, with a Violet Formosa Azalea on the cover."

"Where do y'all plan on me putting this ink? I know Sook has you on her ass, I don't want anything about Gran going on anywhere near her ass, mine neither!"

"Lover, I was thinking Sook's could go on her back, between her shoulder blades, and yours could go on that big ol' strong bicep of yours…y'know, right where I like to dig in my nails when-"

"ENOUGH! I am serious, I am fine with whatever y'all have going between you two, but I don't want details!"

"Yeah, Sis, I get that. Babe, my arm works, you getting yours on your back, too, by the sun and moon?" Sun and moon? Laf has ink I don't know about?

"Sure 'nough I will. Sook, I have a sun and moon on my back, for you an' Jase, I was gonna show it to you this weekend, honest Sug. Now, let's go on a hunt For Chili Cheese. You wanna ride with your brother on the way to lunch? Ask him the questions you need to, tell him what's going on? I'll be fine with following your lead on this." Dammit, he was gonna make me cry again. I knew that Laf meant more than just lunch with 'following my lead'.

"Yeah, lemme ride with the dunderhead. Love you, Laf, don't ever forget it. JASON! Let's get on that truck and find some food!"

#-

Jason's F150 roared to life, and we were down the driveway, onto what passes for a main road, in no time.

"Before you ask, off and on for 7 years. Waited til he was 18. I ain't indecent, ya know."

"Seven years, Jase, SEVEN, my brother and my best friend kept something like this from me for SEVEN flecking years! Why? I'm not upset that y'all have whatever y'all have, I just wanna know why y'all never told me?"

"Honestly, Sis, I dunno. Just didn't at first, then just kept on not tellin' ya. I figured he'd get around to tellin' you eventually. Anyways, he knows that it wouldn't make no matter what anyone thought. I'll just keep comin' on back to him, always do, fer some reason."

"And the hordes of whores?"

"Shit, Sook, don't call them that, I ain't never had to pay for it, and you know it!" I am amazed that my eyes didn't fall out from me rolling them so hard at that.

"Ain't never is a double negative, jack-ass. Let's try again, what about the Bang My Brother patrol?"

"Like women, all soft and squishy and curvy, making excellent noises. Always safe, wouldn't want any babies right now, wouldn't wanna risk Laf's health. He knows I mess 'round. I know he messes, too. Eventually it'll settle."

Huh, so my brother can manage to think with something other than his dick, who knew!

"Now you listen to me, little girl. This Erik Northman has one hell of a reputation, and Pamela Ravenscroft does, too. I know Laf says they are good, but if either one of them does anything…Why you wearing just his shirt this morning? He already bed you? That how you got the job?"

"Jason, I will smack you, I don't care iffin you're drivin'! I was in his shirt as I changed into it after the shower. NO ONE has 'bed' me recently, but no one would be the first anymore, either, that ship sailed long ago, and honestly, do you have any room to talk right now about who or what is betwixt me thighs?"

"Sorry, Sook. Just, make sure you got this job fer bein' awesomesauce, and not for bein', well, y'know, all blonde and teeny and shit."

"Why Jason, that almost sounded like you cared! Oh, hey, pull off the next exit, we'll get you your chili fries."

#-

There is an obvious downfall to finding out that your best friend is your brother's secret boyfriend, namely, watching them suck face after being separated for thirty whole minutes of car ride, then 4 whole feet of booth. There is more than once during lunch where Laf's foot brushed my leg on accident, thinking it was Jase's. I am happy for them, but this is more than any sister should have to witness.

"Hey, if y'all can stop sharing a tongue, we've only got thirty minutes of drive left, and I'd like to get settled in!"

"Sookie, bestest friend and soul-sister I could ever have?"

"Sweet baby Jeebus in the manger made by cows, what do you want, Laf?"

"You know you wanna drive the El…"

"Fine, I want the keys, and I want your cell, if I am driving this alone, I wanna be able to talk to Pam or Erik, about work stuff! Totally about work stuff!"

"Mm-hmmm." With that, Laf tossed me his keys, his phone, and was in Jase's truck before I could react.

About 5 miles down the road, the phone rang, so I popped it on speaker –"Lafayette's phone of fabulousness, Sookie speaking, how can I help you?"

"Well, hello there, my Southern Siren, where is Laf?"

"Hell if I know, probably giving Jase road head by now, I would guess." There was a choking noise coming from the phone, "Erik? You OK?"

"Well, this is certainly an interesting turn of events. I thought your brother was a womanizer?"

"Oh, he is, he is a womanizer, and apparently, a one man-man, as well."

"Herm…does this innate sexuality run in the family, by chance?"

"Why Erik, are you asking me if I am a womanizer? No, I cannot say that I have ever been one!"

"No, my little smart but delectable, ass, I was wondering if being a one man sort of person was a hereditary trait."

"Well, Sir, I suppose that would have to depend on what the man was bringing to the table, wouldn't it?"

"Well, Kitten, "Amazing how when Sam called me kitten, it sounded creepy, but when Erik does it, it sounds like a promise, "When you get back here, and settled into my place, I'll have to show you. It's going to be At least another week, according to Pam, before your apartment will be ready. Cuddle Butt sends his love."


	12. Home At Last

**A/N: Harris owns, I don't, not making anything off of this, not meaning any harm, offense, etc….Y'all know the drill.**

**Not beta'd, 'cause I suck at emailing things to them anymore**

**It is redonk hot out right now, it was 80 when I woke this morning, and It's still climbing outside- that has nothing to do with this chapter, I just wanted to share.**

**Love all y'all, for reals.**

**I really hope you still like this, here is Chap 12**

_**Home at last**_

There goes the phone ringing again, so again, there I go fumbling for the speaker button while not taking my eyes off the road. "What did your Butt forget?"

"Sookie?"

"Sam, what do you need?"

"Well, I need to talk to Lafayette, is he available?"

"Naw, Sam, he's busy right now, probably doing things that would just result in him punching more patrons. I told him I'd hold his phone while he was busy."

"Sook, just have him call me, alright? I need to know what it would take for him to come back. I'm short a cook, I'm short wait staff and bartenders, as you well know, and I just need him."

"Flipping shells Merlotte, you really think he's gonna come back? Look, I'll pass on your message, but Laf is gonna be helping me get settled in over the weekend, we'll both be around on Monday for a bit, then we'll both be back in Shreve. Jase is staying here too, checkin' up on the baby sis and all." I hung up on him. I hope Laf isn't pissed that I cost him a job, but really, he shouldn't want It back. He needs to find a life for himself somewhere he won't be judged for being who he is. Holy Marmosets! Jason is why Laf hasn't left Bon Temps yet! Damn.

There's the damn thing ringing again! "What the hell, didn't I make it clear the last time? FUCK OFF!"

"And here I thought you wanted the job, Darling!" Laughing, that was good, Pam at least knew my anger wasn't directed towards her. "So, are you going to tell me what the Jolly Blonde Giant did to piss you off?"

"Oh Pam, leave the names to Erik, he's so much better at it than you. It wasn't him, anyways, it was my old boss."

"Herm, him. Well, we don't need to worry about him anymore, do we? Erik said that you were starting immediately, so we need to go shopping tomorrow, if that works for you. I won't have your apartment up and running for another week, it's still being built, so no arguments, unless you don't want walls and only half of your appliances, and no, we aren't building it just for you, it would have gone to any manager. Laf has my spare room set up for himself already, and Erik doesn't have a spare room, but he has a sleeper sofa, so I would take his bed, his bunny, and make him take the sofa, alone. Tonight, I want you in the club, with me, but observing, not working, unless it's to tell me who to keep and who to fire, and we still need to schedule your one on ones. I also want to-"

"PAMELA! What the hell woman, do you have some secret to inhaling while you are talkin' so you never have to pause? Take a moment, and let me process. Cripes!" I hated interrupting her, but damn, she just doesn't shut up once she's on a roll. "I am fine shopping on Sunday, but I have a limited budget. I brought my blacks and whites with me. Erik mentioned the sleeping arrangement issue, and we'll work something out. I am fairly certain Jase will bunk with Laf, no problem there," I snorted at that, "Did you know they were, well, I don't know what, dating? In an open relationship?"

"No! Do tell!" So I did just that, I spent the rest of the drive talking to Pam about Jase and Laf, and at some point, we started referring to them as JasFayette, which just tickles me pink. It was nice to talk to someone who had no horse in the race. Pam was able to help me see that I was hurt that they never told me, but that I was also, honestly, happy for them. It's going to take some time to get used to them being affectionate, but seven years of hiding hints at a serious nature. Maybe they will settle down together, maybe they won't, as long as they're happy, that's what matters.

Arriving at the club was much different this time, I simply pulled into the back lot and parked, no muss no fuss.

"Bumpkin, you changed clothes! Was my shirt not good enough for you? Was your swamp country sensibility offended by my high thread count?"

"You really are an ass, you know that, right?" I walked over to Erik, and gave him a hug.

"To be fair, you looked far better in my shirt than I did, and I was hoping that since it was my shirt, I would be able to remove it. You know, I still owe you a back scrubbing, my itsy bitsy tipsy one." He had to lean down to whisper in my ear, practically wrapping himself around me.

"Mmmmmm….you do know that I am not tipsy now, right? Does that mean that if I asked to be tucked into bed, you would join me?"

"I could, but then I would miss out on playing with your brother. I heard from Laf that Jason has _all _the best playthings."

"Erik, you pig!"

"Kitten, your claws have mortally wounded me! Just for that, I may have to rethink letting you snuggle with Cuddle Butt!"

"No, Erik_….anything_ but that!" Jase and Lafayette pulled up to see Erik holding me up, both of us laughing to the point of tears. "Erik, you already know the fabulousness that is Laf, hell, I believe you were in his robe this morning. The dork posturing behind him is my brother, Jason. Jase, stop being stupid, and meet my boss."

"So, you're Erik Northman?"

"I am certain that I'm not Pamela Ravenscroft, if that is what you mean. You would be Sook's brother Jason, right Boytoy?" And there is the return of the smug, condescending, patronizing Erik that I first met.

"What'ya mean Boytoy? Ah hell, Sis, you just be tellin' everyone 'bout me and Laf now that you know?" I couldn't tell if Jase was upset, or just thinking hard about something.

"No, Jase, just Pam and Erik, and considering that Laf shares an apartment with Pam, and Erik was in his bad last night, I thought they should know!"

"'S'all good then, I 'spose, Sook. Say, Erik, you best not be havin' any ideas about stayin' in bed with me and my Laf here. What and who he does when I ain't around is one thing, but I don't share, and you ain't my type."

Wow.

"Wow!" Ah, there's Pam, come to join the party in the parking lot. "You must be Jason Stackhouse. I am, of course, 'that Pam chick'. If you plan on sharing Laf's room, you do realize that it leaves your baby sister all alone with Erik, in his apartment, behind a locked door, right?"

I'm going to kill her.

"Pam, I am going to kill you. No, better yet, I am going to unleash Cuddle Butt in your shoe closet." Erik replied, echoing my thoughts. Holy crap, I may love this man!


	13. Let's Talk About Sex

**A/N I don't own it, y'all know that by now, made them, I just twist them, deviate them, make them mine, will not receiving any profit, not meaning any ill will nor malice.**

**Not Beta'd again.**

**This chap is really dialogue heavy, which was harder for me than I thought, so I hope y'all like it. **

**Chapter 13**

_**Let's Talk About Sex**_

I feel like I am stuck in the middle of a sitcom. Me; my Viking Adonis of a boss; my fierce, lesbian fashionista of a boss, oh, and they're related; my gay best friend; and my dumb-ass brother, the man-whore who is also bisexual who has had a 7 year long secret relationship with my gay best friend, are all standing in a parking lot, tossing quips and insults and innuendos and come-ons. Really, I need to find the cameras, or maybe the writers, give them a piece of my mind.

"Sook, you tellin' me that if I sleep with Laf, you're gonna be bunkin' with HIM?"

"Jase, you tellin' me that you ain't banged all of Bon Temps that was willing, plus a goodly chunk of the surrounding area, regardless of where they was sleepin'? Hell, you tellin' me that when Laf wasn't in my room when he would crash at our place that he was actually on the couch, ALONE?"

"But, that's different, you're my baby sister!"

"So, Jase, none of them were someone's baby sister?" I was partly furious at Jase, partly cracking up inside over the swivel in Laf, Erik, and Pam's necks. You would think they were watching a tennis match, not a brother and sister arguing.

"Hell Sook, you know damn well all of them are different, they were dumb enough to fall for my lines!"

"Jase, that may be the smartest thing I ever done heard you say. I am not dumb. I don't 'fall into bed' with people. Hell, even if I did, it ain't any of your business."

"What'ya mean, even if you did?"

"Boytoy- if I may interject?" Oh crap, this was not going to be pretty, "You are aware that Sugar'n'spice here is no longer a virgin, yes?"

"You better not be havin' first-hand knowledge of that, Blondie!"

"I don't…yet. Sweetness, you are 25. I assume you are no longer a virgin?" Erik was outright grinning while he asked me this.

"No, Erik, I am not. J.B. DuRone took care of that for me, quite a while ago."

"Chickens and ducks, Sook, J.B.? Really, It couldn't be with someone who isn't one of my best friends?"

"Holy Molasses, Jase, you couldn't choose my VERY BEST FRIEND to have a secret relationship with for the last 7 years?"

"Mother fucking shitballs!" Pam yelled, shutting everyone up, "Will someone explain to me why, when I know damn well you are all capable of using your big people swears, I have spent the last not even 24 hours subjected to things like flying hippos and fluffy bunnies and molasses and ducks?"

"Well, _Fescennia_, their Gran didn't approve of cursin' unless it was absolutely needed. Sook and Jase here got real good at finding workarounds, and I know that it makes for at least one Stackhouse's rather interesting pillow talk, y'know what I mean?"

"Laf, I don't need to know what Jase sounds like in bed with you, ever. I would die a happy woman never, ever knowing about that. In fact, I think that this is a perfect moment to end this conversation. Erik, hon, will you help me get my bags up to your place? I'll make it worth your while!"

I waited just long enough for Erik to nod and grab one bag, I grabbed the rest, and we hastily made it into the building. I am pretty sure I heard Jase try and say something to me, but at this point, I just don't care anymore.

"So, you say you are going to make it worth my while, hmmm?"

"Of course, kind sir, I know for a fact that you, at this exact moment in time, have the ingredients in your little kitchen for me to make brownies. I also know you have vanilla ice cream, and caramel sauce."

"No I don't!"

"Yes, Laf got them when he was sent for 'provisions' this morning. I will make you a brownie sundae, using fresh, homemade brownies that are better than sex."

"I really must question the quality of the sex you have been having then. This J.B, fellow must not have been that great if a brownie sundae is better."

"Erik, you haven't eaten my brownies!"

"Yet, I haven't eaten your brownies, yet. Just like you haven't had good sex, yet."

"You offerin', Mr. Northman?"

"And if I was, Ms. Stackhouse?"

I froze. My brain just flat lined. "…" Yep, mouth opens but no words. I'll admit, I have thought about it, what straight woman wouldn't? I've also thought about him being my boss, about my just having met him, which normally wouldn't matter, bot normally, I wouldn't be working with the person regularly after, either. Erik was right, I am not a virgin, but that doesn't mean I am at the level of Jason, either. Erik was also right about the sex. I cannot say that I have ever had spectacular sex. Don't get me wrong, it isn't that I've had bad sex, just never the toe curling, spine tingling, chest heaving, leg cramping sex you read about. J.B. was nice, and sweet, and gentle, and how thrilling does that sound to you? Erik looked like, spoke like, walked like, _and danced _like he knew how to make it good.

"I…really? You're just gonna drop that there, all theoretical like, all hypothetical like, and see if I bite or not? You can't be doing shit like that, Erik! For figs sake, I work for you now, remember? I need to take into account if I'm gonna have underlings griping because I 'slept my way into a job', I need to think about what would happen if it was more than a one night stand, or only a one night stand, or if it didn't end well! PAMELA! What would she have to say about it, I mean really, this is bigger than just you and I." Crap, all of that was said, not just thought. "Look, I'm, I'm not saying no, but I'm not giving you leave to just ravish and ravage me, either."

"Just to be clear, you are not opposed to it, but you are not going to ask me to please, take you now, as you cannot stand the tension anymore?"

I started laughing, "Erik, I don't think you will ever hear me say "Please, you big manly man, take me, take me now, I cannot stand the tension any longer!"

"Fair enough, I can wait." Then there's a hand on my hip, an arm around my back, a hand tangling in the ends of my hair. There is nothing but the beating of my heart, the scent of Erik's body wash and shampoo, coffee and cinnamon, reaching me. Lips are slowly descending towards mine, I arch my back, rubbing my chest against his, in an attempt to bring my mouth closer to him, and then

"What the hell, Sis, I thought you said you weren't sleepin' with him!"


	14. What a Man

**A/n – I didn't create them, but damn, do I make them do the best things!**

**No profit, ill-will, malice, etc…**

**This chapter, wow. Erm, I think that this is my favorite so far, for so many reasons, and I really hope y'all like it, just as much as I do. Not beta'd, again.**

**HOLY CRAP Y'ALL, sweet merciful squirrels, I have over 100 reviews. Thank you, so much.**

**Just a word before I let y'all get to it, there is a massive heat wave going on cross country right now, and I am dealing with it, as I am sure many of you are, too. Monday thru Wednesday is supposed to be wickedly hot, and I am going to do whatever I can to keep me and my kids cool. I am also going to do whatever I can to keep my laptop functional, and if that means going to the pool or the beach, and not bringing the laptop, that is what it means. If you don't see any updates, it isn't writers block, I'll more than likely keep a notebook with me, y'know, those things with paper, you use a pen, or a pencil, crayons even to write, so that if the characters want to be heard, they can be, I just won't be online unless I can do so without melting.**

**Now, y'all read me whine about the heat, y'all have been dealing with me leaving chapters at odd points, so here ya go, Chapter 14**

_**What a Man**_

"Erik?" I whispered, my mouth just brushing against his, we were so close.

"Yes, Sookie?" he whispered back, tongue darting out to trace my lower lip.

"What sort of legal representation would working for you get me if I were to damage my idiot brother right now?"

"Well, "we were still whispering, "I could probably retain better service for you on a personal level."

"Well, all right then!" With that, I turned to lunge at Jase. I wasn't sure what I was going to do when I reached him, and it didn't matter, as Erik never released his grip on me. I moved forward just enough to get snapped back against Erik's chest, his head resting on my chin, the hand that was at my hip now holding my hand, the arm that was across my back, now around my waist. Laf and Pam were standing behind Jason, in the open doorway. Laf looked shocked and angry, Pam looked amused.

"Ohhhh, Loverboy, I swear on all that is right and holy that as much as I may love you, I'm gonna let Lover and Pudding beat yo ass senseless. I'll help clean ya up, tend to your wounds all Florence Nightingale like, but I'm'a let them beat you down. It's for your own good." Laf sounded so profoundly sad and let down in that moment, it almost made me reconsider the beating I was planning on dishing out…almost.

"Darling, you and your family are so _amusing_! Erik, I don't think we have ever been as glorious in our infighting, have we?"

"Pamela, my purveyor of petulance and pith, I really think this is one you need to just step away from for a moment, yes? If you don't have anything nice to say, and don't want to be spending our money on lawyers and doctors, maybe you shouldn't be throwing flames on the fire?"

"Wait, you love me, Laf?" Jason asked, sedately.

"Jason, did Momma and Poppa drop you on your head when you were a baby? Did Gran sprinkle paint chips on your Wheaties instead of sugar? Did you forget to breathe when you were motor-boating Maude? What is your malfunction that you come in here, tossing around the concerned big brother routine, and all you can focus on is that Laf said he loves you. SERIOUSLY, he's been dealing with you tomcatting around for 7 years, in SECRET, and you didn't realize that he loved you? Is your penis made of chocolate, do you cum wine, did you get a PhD in cock sucking? How can you be so dense not to get that Lafayette loves your sorry ass, and that is why he put up with you, being, well YOU for seven god forsaken years! The only reason I have stuck around and taken care of you is because I HAVE to love you, I'm your sister!" Man, I am happy that Laf loves Jase, but really, that is not what is important here. What is important is that I am going to beat him 8 degrees of senseless for being so stupid. Hell, I might even beat the stupid right out of him!

"Oh Erik, I know I asked before, but I am asking again, please say we can keep her?"

"SHUT UP PAM!" Wow, four people shouting at the same time is rather loud!

"ENOUGH!" Erik yelled, literally over my head, "Here is how this is going to work. The Idiot Savant in Cock Block here is going to take Lafayette across the hall, into Pam's place, and further, into Laf's room. Once in there, I don't care what happens, but no one is leaving that room until three things happen, First- the two of you understand that you love each other, and work out how you are going to move forward, if there's going to be any sort of monogamy, and if not, what sort of rotation is going on, as I am fine with whatever you decide, but I DO NOT want this sort of drama under my roof, nightly.

Second- Whatever needs to happen to get the bunglehead understanding that his sister MAYBE choosing to have sex with me is none of his business, happens. I cannot promise that I won't rock her world, hard, on a regular basis. I cannot promise that it will be kept in the bedroom, in my apartment, hell, I cannot even promise that it won't incur an indecent exposure charge, to be honest, but I can promise that if she and I decide to fuck, to have a fling, to have a one night stand, or to have a relationship, get married, and grow old together raising rabbits, I will do right by her, she will know that something in her life has irrevocably changed, and I will do my best not to hurt her. That, sir, is ALL you ever NEED to know about the PERSONAL relationship Sookie and I have, or will have, or may have, whatever.

Third- and I am only saying this to you once, so listen, and listen well, Sookie Stackhouse's personal relationship with me has no bearing on her professional one at this point. Pamela is just as much her boss as I am, and as Sookie doesn't like women in that way, you can rest assured that she didn't 'sleep her way' into this job. I want it to be absolutely understood that if I hear you, her supposedly loving brother, make that insinuation one more time, not only will I allow Sookie to beat you senseless, I may join in."

I am so going to let this man scrub my back the next time I shower.

Erik took a deep breath, then continued, "Pamela, sweet, darling, lovechild of a harpy and a shrew, Sharpy, I like it. Sharpy, if you know what is good for you, you will also go across the hall, into your own apartment. Once there, you will set a time for three hours. During those three hours, you are not to knock on this door, unless there is an emergency. You are not to even THINK about unlocking this door, unless there is an emergency. When that three hours is over, you are more than welcome to come over and help Sookie get ready for tonight. I expect you can manage her hair, makeup and an outfit between when you are allowed back in here, and when you will be needed downstairs?"

Pam just nodded, then turned around and went to her apartment, making sure Jase and Laf were with her. Instead of letting me go, Erik just tightened his grip around my waist, lifted me up a few inches, and walked us to the door. Once there, he not only locked it, but put the chain on it. Then he carried me over to the Rabbit hutch, and used his free hand to check out the water and food situation, and sooth Cuddle Butt. After this, he walked me a few more feet, set me on the ground, turned me so I was facing him, and kissed me.

Oh sweet baby Jeebus, did he kiss me. His lips were surprisingly smooth, and his tongue, when I allowed it into my mouth, and wrapped my own around it, tasted like coffee and the cinnamon I smelled earlier. Good to know, either cinnamon in the coffee, or gum, or something…wow my waist feels so tiny in his hands, and my back feels even smaller, and holy shit, that is not a cell phone or a wallet, and he is not carrying a gun, which means what I feel pressed against my stomach…

By the Power of Greyskull, he is He-Man!


	15. Pam Has Thoughts

**A/N- Hey, how about a bonus mini featuring Pam's thoughts on people? I have had this written since chapter 3 or 4, I think, and now, I can share it with y'all!**

**All standard disclaimers apply…**

**Oh,, before I forget, any trend in my titles is purely coincidental. I did not intend to have two titles, back to back, be Salt N Pepper songs, now do I intend to have all of my titles be lyrics or titles of songs, and to my knowledge, they are not all lyrics or song titles, just some of them...**

_**Pam has thoughts**_

I have to give him credit, Laf was most definitely correct when he said life with the Stackhouses was never boring. I don't think he realized just HOW correct he was going to end up being, but then again, he hid an affair for seven years, even from Erik and I, who didn't even know Sookie and Jason until last night.

Sookie, Sook, I just cannot wrap my head around that name. I wasn't lying when I told her that Sook sounded vulgar. Hell, it's almost pornographic, sounding so close to suck, without actually being the word. What sort of name is it, though? I know it isn't short for anything, I looked into it, and legally, her name really is Sookie. I'd be having an easier time with it, I think, if her brother had some off the wall name, or at least, a spelling that wasn't common. Jaisin, Jazen, Dgeicon, but nope, Jason is the way they went. He's older, so somehow, over the course of three years, their parents decided that Sookie was an acceptable option.

Sookie is fierce; she speaks her mind, often without checking to filter it, first. She is a good snap-judge of character, from what I witnessed and heard about from the club last night. She is a faithful friend, her relationship with Laf shows that, and she cares about people. I wonder if she realizes that her attitude makes her as attractive as the looks she was handed? I am pretty sure that woman could reduce me to sounding like a Halmark card in no time.

I am feeling oddly let down by Jason, I hear all about this fabulously stupid womanizer, and what gets delivered to my door is Laf's boyfriend, who isn't so much dumb as oblivious as when to shut up. Hell, I've been known to run my mouth for HOURS after it was appropriate to shut up, so he and I have that in common, at the very least, and if I were a man, I am sure I would be all over Laf too, so maybe it's more than one thing in common after all. Jase, as they call him, seems to have done a mighty fine job of putting his foot in it today, I wonder if he's always like that, or if the stress of everything got to him. Laf has mentioned many times the way Sook takes care of Jason, but I wonder if anyone really sees that he takes care of her, too? At least, he tries.

Laf… I cannot believe that he kept this from me. Then again, he never told me that the funeral I met him after was for their gran, either. Laf knows about us losing my aunt to cancer, he knew the day he met me, when he saw the hummingbird. HE and I talked about it more when I brought him in to Bill, my tattoo artist. Erik isn't a fan of Bill, and really, I don't like Compton as a person, but he does good work. When Laf told me he wanted to sun and moon, I know Compton could do it. The sun and moon make so much more sense, now, too. Laf said they were both beautiful things, both important to him, the sun was Sookie, bright, shining light on everything, bringing warmth, the moon was a different constant, always there, sometimes so big it was the center of everything, sometimes you could barely see it, but you knew it was there. You need both, to really survive, he said. Damn, I hope those two work it out.

My cousin, I don't think I've ever seen him so protective of a woman who isn't me. Erik and I talk a lot of shit to each other, but we grew up together, and if I were into men, and 25, not thirtymumblesomething, he may very well behave the same way Jason was. I don't know what is up with him right now; he sees something in her that he likes, beyond her mini-Barbie sex appeal. I have gotten enough lectures from him over the years about not letting sexual wants interfere with business, that for him to be going all out for someone like that, it must mean something. Then again, all the lectures could be because I slept with every waitress we had working for us for about 2 years straight, which led to the great waitress walk out of 2011. We don't talk about that much, but damn, was it worth it, even if it meant being short staffed for a few weeks.

So, here I sit, watching the timer, attempting not to eavesdrop on JasFayette, and honestly, it would be so much easier not to listen to them if my chair wasn't right outside of Laf's bedroom door. It sounds like those two crazy kids will be all right.

Now to decide if I want to attempt to dress Sookie in Prada, or Betsey Johnson…


	16. This Isn't Eternia

**A/N- Not mine, C. Harris, blahblahblahyadda None of the super heroes listed are mine, either**

**This chapter gave me hell.**

**I see so much in my head for them, but getting it on paper was not easy. The next chapter is already half written, as I realized I wanted to separate them.**

**Not beta'd**

**I love all y'all, and hope you enjoy Chapter 16**

_**This isn't Eternia**_

Erik stopped kissing me, and started with the very close talking again. "Sookie, I need you to do something for me, if this is going to happen, I need you to consent."

"Wha?" Oh, real eloquent! Maybe next time I can go for a full word. He smirked, and pulled me into another of those earth shattering kisses, after which he kissed and licked up my jawline to my ear.

"Consent, "he whispered, "don't yield, don't give into me because it's what your body is telling you to do in the heat of the moment, don't worry about if this makes you Mine or not, just consent, plainly and clearly, tell me you want me, here, now and damn the rest."

Why was a man asking for clear consent so damned sexy?

"Ungh-" crap, there goes the whole word thing.

"Just remember, I'll stop if you tell me to, I'll do more, if you tell me to, but we only have…two hours and forty-seven minutes now, and nothing else is happening until I hear you say it is more than okay to carry on. This needs to be clear, this cannot be about anything other than you and me, a man and a woman, who desperately want to see what the other one looks like coming undone."

Holy fluffernutters, it should be illegal to make words sound that sexy. It should be mandatory to make sure your partner is on board in that way.

"Yes, Erik, I want this."

"That'll do, _Lover_, that'll do." I managed to make note of the way he smirked as he said lover, right before I realized that he was quoting Babe, and the line is pig, not lover, and I should probably think about maybe being offended, but dear sweet marmoset, his lips are on my neck, and there's licking and sucking, and his hands are lifting the hem of my shirt, and for some reason I am just standing here and letting this happen, instead of actively participating, but every time I tell my hands to move, his lips are somewhere else, and I cannot think. Every time I try and get my lips to move, his _hands_ are somewhere else, and soon, I am standing next to an indoor bunny hutch, completely nude, and wondering what next?

What next was Erik quite literally tossing me over his shoulder and bringing me to the bed, where he rather unceremoniously dropped me on the mattress. I settled back, holding my weight on my elbows, figuring that I could watch him get undressed. Instead, I got to watch a tall, sweaty, flustered man pulling the drawers completely out of his bedside table.

"No, no no no no no , NO, I know that they were here, I remember making certain to leave myself a note to get some the next time I went out, and I know that…we've ordered in, or had Laf shop, or…Fuck!"

"Problem?" I asked, knowing full well why he was upset.

"Hmmm? Why would there be a problem, I mean, I am sure there is somewhere else in here that has a condom stash that I completely and totally forgot about!"

"Erik, breathe, where is my small bag of bathroom stuff? As if you find that bag, you will find what you're looking for."

"I just assume that I need…y'know, it's not like I have so much random sex I blew through the ones I had on hand….just, ran out, didn't have a pressing need…..pressing need now….thank God you had some, would have asked Laf before I went to the store….brother would punch me." Erik was mumbling the entire trip to my bag and back. Somewhere on his journey, he lost his shirt, and unbuttoned his pants. Mary, Jesus and Joseph!

"Holy V, Batman!"

"What was that, She-Ra, I thought I was He-Man, hmmmm?"

Wow, I have been saying way too much shit out loud instead of in my head.

"Yes, you apparently have no filter at all when you are turned on, which is good for me."

"Well then, _He-man_, now that I can think again, due to that little interlude, are you like this with every woman you try and bed?"

"Really, my succulent one, you are going to ask about my behavior with my previous lovers? I have learned over my years, and remember, I have 12 more of them than you, that it is far better to ensure you are prepared before you NEED to be prepared. I have also learned that it's best to make sure that everyone is on the same page right from the start."

"Fair enough. Now that we are 'out of the moment' as it were, I want to talk, maybe fool around some, but I don't think that sex is quite on the table yet. I totally would not have regretted if it had happened, and I definitely wouldn't have stopped you, but yeah, I will be seeing you daily, or damn near, this isn't gonna be a one night stand, at least I hope not, so there's no need to rush. Hell, I just now found out how much older than me y'are, and shit, I'm OK with it, but really, you wanna have some little 25 year old hanging around?"

"Well, and before I continue, I must insist that we have this talk while you stay naked, The She-beast with 1000 names is thirty-five, and I have hung out with her and her friends my entire life. She generally gravitates towards friends and lovers who are a little younger than her. Between that and owning or running clubs for the last ten years I have gotten used to hanging out with a younger crowd. If I didn't know that you were only 25, I would not have guessed. You have an attitude of someone older, probably from growing up with Gran, and taking care of your brother.

I'm not going to lie to you, Sookie, I have slept with many women, I have had serious relationships and one night stands, everything in between. I have never been so serious as to put a ring on anyone and make them promises; I am not opposed to it if the right person comes along. At my age, I like to think that I know what I want. I want you. I want you as an employee, because you are smart, and good at what you do. I want you in my bed because you are fucking hot, and I would love to know what you taste like, what you sound like, what you look like when you cum, and just how long it will take for me to lead you to the point where you are begging me to stop, and begging me never to stop, all at the same time."

"Oh."

"Now, we still have over two hours, and I think I can find all of those things out without there being any actual intercourse, are you game?"


	17. Like Whoa

**A/N Not only do I not own any of the characters that C. Harris created, I also don't own any character that Joss Whedon created, nor that are owned my Marvel. That will all make sense, I promise.**

**This chapter is graphic, in areas, as it depicts acts of a sexual nature between two consenting adults. There is a section that, technically and stylistically, may be hard to read, but I stand by how I wrote it. As this hasn't been beta'd, you cannot blame them, only me.**

**Those of you who review every chapter, who drop me words of encouragement, I look forward to hearing from you the same way I look forward to hearing the ice cream truck, it's a welcome part of my day that brings me a few moments of childish glee. Thank you. To the rest of you whom I don't here from regularly, or at all, just knowing y'all read this, and enjoy it, that is HUGE and I thank you.**

**Without further ado, Chapter 17:**

_**Like Whoa**_

"Now it is time for you to, as Jase would say, 'put up or shut up', kind sir." This time I smirked. He's good, I'll give him that, he talks an excellent game, and so far, his skills are up to par, but I am not a blushing virgin. I have been in a daze, as no one has ever just, I don't even know what to call it, honestly, I am not the town bicycle but I am not inexperienced, it's just that no one has ever affected me like Erik does, before. "No intercourse, I agree with that, I think that it's only fair that if I am naked, you should be, as well, or at least down to your unders, if you don't think you can behave while naked. I cannot think of any other rules that haven't already been established, can you?"

"First off, I don't wear underwear under my non-work, casual clothes, so it's jeans on, or jeans off. As for rules, the aforementioned no intercourse, and if you stay stop, I stop."

"Jeans off, He-Man." Erik just grinned at that, stood up, and removed the denim from his body, and did a turn for me. Wow.

"Wow, so, uh, you swim or bike a lot?" His legs were fabulously toned, his ass was firm, his cock was delectable.

"I run, Kitten, at least 4 days a week, and then I bike and swim when I can for enjoyment. Now, are we going to keep talking, or are you going to be moaning and screaming?"

"Well, you can try and make me scream."

He sat on the bed by my legs, grabbed the left ankle, and lifted it to his mouth. Kisses, licks and small bites were administered from the tips of my toes to my knee. I almost jumped when he licked and sucked on the back of my knee and the very edge of my thigh, who knew that _that_ was an erogenous zone. He set my ankle back down, and slid his hands over my calf, past my knee, up my thigh, straight to my hips, and then trailed the flat of his tongue, and the edges of his teeth from the top of my knee, directly to the top of my thigh. I will admit to moaning, and giggling a little, that shit tickled.

I was managing OK in the holding my own department when, instead of Erik moving to my other leg, like I was expecting, he shifts his hands from my hips to my inner thighs, spreads my legs, and a circuit from my clit to my opening and back again. Without moving from his position, he starts talking, breathily, so I get little puffs of air on me, and at random intervals between words, he will quickly, barely, just run the tip of his tongue over me, or give me a quick nip with his teeth.

"Sookie" tongue flick "when moisture evaporates" nibble "off of the skin, it rapidly" tongue "cools the skin, which" tongue nibble suck 'increases sensation. I have found" tongue "thru speaking with Pam and her girlfriends" tongue" before the great" nibble" waitress" tongue "walkout of 2011 that most men" tongue "have no clue" long lick "how to eat out" lick suck "a woman." Two of his marvelously long fingers are now working me, massaging me, looking for my g-spot, while he alternates between long lick and sucks and nibbles on my clit. I start to buck and wriggle, and he reaches his right arm across my abdomen, holding me in place.

Fingers moving faster and harder.

Tongue licking longer, using more of the flat, occasionally flicking with just the tip.

Teeth nibbling, pressing, never enough to hurt, but enough to feel.

Fingers thrusting.

Lips closing around my clit.

Fingers pressing against the g-spot now that he found it.

Teeth pressing down just enough while he 

"OH GOD ERIK!Don'tstopdon'tstoppleasedon'tstopsofuckinggoodIcan'tevenungh"

"I…..sogood…..again….can't…..need….."

Nothing.

He has stopped.

I feel the mattress shift.

I feel him slide up my now sweat soaked body, the arm that was at my waist loosening, the arm attached to the hand I want to have bronzed moving…somewhere.

"So sweet, so delicious, so distinctly Sookie, I will have more of you, but first, I will give you a moment to rest. Also, two."

"Two?" I think I asked out loud.

"Yes, two back to back orgasms, you told me not to stop after the first. I don't think I count the random string of words as you begging me to stop and not stop at the same time, so we need to work on that some more. We have ninety minutes left before anyone tries to get in, assuming Jason doesn't try and break down the door, as I don't think the apartments are that soundproof."

I roll onto my side enough to kiss him. My taste works well with his coffee and cinnamon essence from early, adding something smoky and salty and heady into the mix. Our height difference coupled with how we are laying means that I have to tip my head pretty far to kiss him, but it also means I can reach in between us and wrap a hand around his cock, while still kissing him. His startled inhalation lets me know that he wasn't expecting it, his return to kissing me, while reaching on hand out to stroke my breast, tease my nipple, lets me know that he is more than OK with this turn of events.

I know that I don't have huge hands, but they are the hands of a fully grown adult woman, and a single hand is unable to fully enclose his girth. Even squeezing a little, I cannot get my finger tips to touch when wrapped around his base. I slide my hand up his length, and then around his head a few times, sliding my thumb over the tip, before rapidly bringing my hand back to his base. I repeat this, until he starts to feel secure enough in the pattern to rut into my hand, and then, I switch it up. Fast on the upstroke, slow on the down, remove hand, cup and roll the balls a bit.

Erik turns, so that I am on my back, and he is above me, again. He grabs my arms, bringing them both up over my head.

"Nu-huh, Little Lover, this is about you. I am enjoying myself, trust that, but this is about you, not me."

"All right, Captain Hammer, whatever you say."

"Did you just? My God, Sookie! Are you saying that the hammer is my-" I pressed my lips against his to shut him up, and keep me from laughing, or squealing with glee. Damn fine lover, and gets geek humor, all in one, I pull back just enough to talk again.

"What, you would have preferred Captain Tight-pants? The Hero of Canton? Thor? Spike?"

"Whatever you say, Buffy, you know you want me."

Damn, I may be able to love this man.


	18. This Time

**A/N, C. Harris owns, Whedon owns his stuff, too. Me? I play with them. **

**So, more adult situations ahead. Just letting y'all know.**

**I have been in migraine land, which sucks. Not beta'd, as I am just a lazy ass.**

**Love all y'all, and a super special shout out to the Brat Pack and my Adult Fun compatriots. You keep me tethered when I want to fly away for a while.**

**Here ya go, Chapter 18 (already!)**

_**This Time**_

There is something terribly sexy about rolling around, naked and in bed, and laughing hysterically with someone who just rocked your world. As soon as Whedonverse references started flying, the moment was lost, but a new, maybe better moment, began.

"So, Erik, would Pam be Willow?"

"Well, she's not nearly nice enough to be Penny, and what, with the whole lesbian thing? Willow wins, hands down. Lafayette is Zoe."

"I get that. He's loyal, but he will throw down if you piss him off, and even the people he love will get it."

"Why aren't I Iron Man, I could be Tony Stark!"

"You ain't a billionaire, not a genius either."

"Thank you so much for that, really, brings a tear to my eye. I like to think I am smarter than Captain Hammer, and I am not aspiring to be evil enough to be Dr Horrible. What about you? If I'm Mal, does that make you Inara?"

"Ooohhhhh, you better not let Jason here you call me that. He, like Mal, never quite got the distinction between whore and companion. Jason, the smarts of Jayne, the build of Wash, the tact of Mal…poor thing."

"All right than, small Frye, you remind me of Kaylee. You are sunshine and strawberries and-" I cut him off crashing my lips into his.

"Erik, remember what I said before, about no intercourse, I lied. I lied like a bad rug. I lied like Mal, every time he said he had a good plan. I would be really, incredibly pleased if you would just go right on ahead an' fuck me now."

"…"

"What is there to think about, you are smart, sexy, funny, and geeky enough to compare me to Kaylee. If this is supposed to be about a man and a woman, well, this woman wants this man, now. We'll figure the rest out later."

"Are you sure?"

"Are you wussing out on me? Are you becoming Simon, all prim and proper, with a crush on the rim rat, but not the balls to act on it?"

"Game on, little girl, game-fucking-on."

He rolled us, again, so that I was on top of him. I shifted my weight so that I was straddling his thighs, and stroked him until he was firm again. Reaching over to the bedside table, I snagged a condom, opened it, and rolled it onto his length.

"Now then, Viking, you rocked my world, it's my turn to rock yours!" I grasped his base with one hand, holding him steady as I situated myself around him. Holy hell, there is a little burn, as it's been a while, and he's larger than I am used to, but I slowly slide myself down. I can tell that he's fighting to let me maintain control; he's fighting to not thrust up into me.

I shift myself just enough to set my palms on his pectorals, and find a rocking and raising motion that I like, front to back, up on the forward, down on the back. Erik's biting and licking of his lower lip tells me he likes it, and I _know_ that I like it. I lean forward, kissing him, sucking his tongue into my mouth.

His hands find my hips, speed me up a little, make the back and down rock more pronounced, make me feel him inside of me so much stronger. He takes one hand from my hip and reaches up to cup my throat, slide from my throat to my breast, pinches and rolls my nipple. When I gasp, he moves his lips from mine, and attacks my neck. I know that by the time he's done, I'm going to look like a vampire victim, he just keeps biting and licking and sucking, and it's making me squirm, which is making me take him in deeper, so I shift back and down harder and he thrusts up into me harder. It's a cycle that neither of us wants to break, but we're both rapidly losing control over.

I'm very aware that my moaning and gasping is very rapidly approaching the point of becoming screaming and rasping. Erik stops his assault on my neck, and resumes kissing me, partially to shut me up, I think.

Faster and harder and deeper and more erratic and louder and slicker and larger and tighter and more and, and, and….I shattered.

I fell over the edge and I fell apart.

I fell, limp, against Erik, who thrust a few more times before cumming, and biting my shoulder, for some reason.

"Sookie, sweetness," he mumbled against my skin, "I want to let you know that the only thing I regret about that is not seeing your face when you went over the edge. Next time, pet, next time."

I shivered. Next time! He wants a next time, which is awesome, because I totally want a next time. I wonder if we'll both be up for a next time after work tonight. I am thrilled that we both enjoyed this time, to be honest.

"Erik, I need you to know that I don't do jealous or possessive, but that doesn't mean I want to see it flaunted, either." What the hell, that is NOT what I expected to come tumbling out of my mouth!

"Well, Sookie, I have been known to do both jealous and possessive, I am also a flaunter, I am afraid, a horrible, horrible flaunter. You are just going to have to deal with me wanting to touch you, kiss on you, pet on you while we work, and glaring at anyone who dare deigns to speak to you, look at you, or approach you." He and I looked at each other in silence for a moment, before we both burst out laughing.

"Seriously, Sookie, I don't know what this, "he gestured between us, and no small feat considering I was still laying on him, "is, I don't know where it's going. I told you before, work is work, and we are, whatever we are. I can guarantee that until we figure out what _this_ is, I won't be approaching, or accepting offers, from anyone else. I would ask you do that same, but that's ultimately up to you."

"Thank you, Sug, and I don't know where that came from. I know we talked about keeping things separate, but y'know, it ain't that simple. We work together. I know that I can still work for you if we had decided this was a onetime thing, if it ends up being a fling, fine, but I just can't, I can't be Laf, I cannot be OK with watching you be up all over someone else, if I am right there, and we DO have somethin' goin' on."

"Fair enough, so, until we come to an accord on what we are to each other, we are not with others. Safety if nothing else makes that a good rule. We try and keep work at work, and this, well, in the break room and dance floor, if not out of work."

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

"It's been three hours!"

"Ding-dong mother fu-"

"Look, ignore Laf and Pam, I just need to know, is Sook gonna beat on me if I come in there?"


	19. No Basking

**A/N I don't own any of these characters. The writing, that's mine, but the rest, nope.**

**This is an Erik POV chap, so I hope you like it.**

**I love all y'all, and I am so thankful for each of you who read this, who review it, I just….yeah**

**Chapter 19**

_**No basking**_

I looked at Sookie, so comfortable being in my bed, naked, laughing, smiling. It was really a shame that she was going to have to get dressed, but I promised her to my cousin after three hours, and time is up. Getting out of bed, I tossed a sheet over Sookie, "I'm going to let them in, the bedroom door will be locked behind me, although I doubt that will keep anyone out for long. It should, however, give you a few moments to look less like you've been thoroughly fucked." Before she could reply, I leaned over and kissed her, then headed for the door.

"Hmmm….Erik?"

"Yes, my delicious little Bumpkin?"

"Y'aint wearing any pants." She giggled. She fucking giggled, like a little punch-drunk girl. I swear I can feel my heart constrict in that moment. As I grab my jeans, I wonder why she's so special, so different. Curvy little blonde woman aren't hard to come by, so it shouldn't be her looks, but there is something in how she wears her body, that stands out. Her attitude, damn, spitfire doesn't even begin to cover it, and her brains, I can admit that I find intelligence to be sexy, and to add a geek sense of humor, an encyclopedic knowledge of the Whedonverse, and I am sold.

I'm not claiming to love her, I am not saying she is going to have my little Norse babies anytime soon, but I am 37, and the thought of settling down is appealing. I am not adverse to giving things a go with her and seeing where it ends up, especially as she understands the lifestyle I lead, and the business I am in. My mom always said it was important to recognize, as early as you could, what was right about someone, as it helped when your mind started telling you all the things that were wrong. No one is perfect, she said, but there are people who are perfect enough for you that you cannot imagine your life without them, once you meet them. Sookie and Laf are like that. Once Laf entered my life, Pam's life, neither one of us could imagine living without him being around, without his quick wit, sharp tongue, and friendship.

It physically pains me to imagine not having Sookie around, being all prim and proper, just to stomp a mud hole in someone, verbally, a few moments later. Not to have her laugh, or outlook on life. Not to have her being a surrogate mom to Jason one moment, to the bratty little sister the next. I want her around, even as a friend and coworker.

I managed to get my damned 501s buttoned before I opened the door. You would think that I would own pants that were easier to remove and put on, but no. After I unlocked, unchained, and started swinging open the door, it dawned on me that maybe I should have put a shirt on, too? Too late for that, as Pam pushed the door open the rest of the way, damn near taking me out with it.

"Where is my darling? I am running on limited time, we need to primp, to preen, to be ready to present ourselves in all of our Betsey clothed and shoed glory!"

"Wow, Willow, you aren't overdramatic much or anything?"

"Hold up!" Jason blurted from the back of the pack, "Did'ya just call your own cousin a witch?"

I was unable to stop the laughter from spilling out of me, and I managed to gasp out "What is it with you Stackhouses and Whedon?"

"Hmmm, Lover, I don't mean to be complaining, but there seems to be a shirt missing, and I distinctly remember you wearing one when we left." Laf's right eyebrow was almost lost in his scarf, it was raised so high.

"Don't start trouble, Laf, did you and your boy-toy figure everything out? I don't want drama, remember, I gave you rules before you left."

"Hey man, sorry about earlier. I went into big—bro mode pretty hard, and I was worried about how Sook was takin' me and Laf here. I want it clear that I never even thought she was workin' you over to get her job. I may have thought you were gonna work her over, now that she took the job, but yeah…ignore me. Laf and I, we are what we are, man. No drama up in here, promise. We're still feeling our way through this, and really, if he stays here, it's gonna be the first time that I can be with him without the judgment. I know that's shitty, but all I got is him, Sook, my job, and my women, and him and me, being all 'out' and shit, that could ruin half of what I have. I need them, I need the job take care of Sook, I need the women to take care of me when Laf ain't around, and, shit man, guess I'm sayin' sorry." Jase walked around in front of Laf while he was talking, so he and I were face to face. Laf had moved to wrap his arms around Jason, and they looked comfortable.

"Thanks, Jason; I am sure it was really hard for you to string that many words together at once."

Laf didn't look amused at my reply, but Jase did the man handclasp thing that shows that we're cool. I heard the bedroom door start to open, and noticed that Laf tightened his grip around Jason's waist. Pam whistled, Laf immediately started whispering something in Jason's ear, Jason looked disgruntled, and I heard that divine giggle again. Slowly, I turned around, to see Sookie, leaning in my open doorway, hair all pulled to the right side of her neck and somehow messier than when I left the room, wearing nothing but an old t-shirt of mine. She had to have looked in my drawers for it, because I wasn't wearing it earlier. The neck had been stretched enough that one shoulder was showing, as was all the bites and small hickeys I left on her neck, shoulder, and any other exposed skin. She wasn't wearing anything else, from what I can tell.

Sookie pushed off from the doorframe, and sauntered up to me.

"Hey, thought you were comin' back?"

She had to have gone crazy. What part of my telling her to look _less_ fucked did she not get? I know I didn't tell her to look as debauched as possible before coming out. After she walked to stand in front of me, and physically pulled my arms around her, so that we were mimicking the position Laf and Jason were in, I leaned down and whispered "Are you trying to start a fight?"

"Jason, have you accepted that I'm'a full grown woman?" She asked.

"Yeah." He didn't sound happy about it, but he was talking, not yelling.

"So, my standing here, like this, isn't a problem?"

"Hell, Sook! It's always gonna be a problem, I don't wanna see that, I don't wanna know how you got all marked up like that, and I most definitely never wanna witness the two of ya being all up on each other like y'are now, but I can be good. Damn!" Jason looked slightly disgusted, but accepting, at the same time. The facial expressions these two have could speak for them, if their words ever failed.

"Well, if we're done being all romantic, and all familial acceptance now, I was serious, I need to get Sookie ready for work tonight, and, I would like to add, this may be the only chance I get to see her naked!"

Wow, thanks Pam.

"Wow, thanks Pam!" Sookie chirped. Huh, that was odd.


	20. Not a Problem

**A/N Let's be honest, I don't own shit, y'all know that.**

**Chapter 20! It's an odd one, largely transitional, explains Jase a little more, if nothing else.**

**Love y'all, so much. Thank you for reading, thank you for reviewing, just, thank you!**

**Chapter 20**

_**Not a Problem**_

Erik followed me into the bedroom, when I went back to get dressed enough for whatever bonding and torture Pam had planned.

"Sweet, darling, possibly psychotic Sookie, care to explain to me just what the fuck that was out there? It was not you looking less fucked; it was not you doing anything, ANYTHING to appease your brother." Poor Erik, he wasn't yelling, he didn't sound angry, more confused, and uncertain, and concerned.

"Erik, you've known Jase all of what, a handful of hours, and what you've heard in some stories? He's been my brother for the entirety of my twenty-five years on this earth. If you and I had hid this from the beginning, I never would've come out like that, but he knew something was going on, or at least somethin' was gonna be goin' on. Figured if I just hit it with him up front, he would have time to deal, maybe make less problems for him, and me, down the road.

Hell, when I got my first period, Gran kept it private, and special. She told me all about how I was 'blossoming into womanhood' and all sorts of things like that. I was fine with my big brother not knowing that I was on the rag, as really, I don't think any teenage girl want's to share things like that. About three, four months go by, and for some reason Jase comes shopping with me and Gran. Down the feminine hygiene aisle we go, and Jase, dumbshit that he is, looks at Gran, and asks her isn't she a little old to be needing 'things like this'?" I stop for a moment to take a few deep breaths, as I am laughing so hard, trying to get Erik to understand, "Gran looked at Jase and replied 'Child, first, you never tell a woman she's too old for something, and second, it's for your sister, now hush!'

Well, Jason decided that smack in the middle of a crowded store was the perfect time to tell me I was too young for anything like that, and I had to stop it, right then, I was not allowed to be 'men-strating' on his watch. Gran smacked his head so hard, Erik, you wouldn't believe, but that's why I just said screw it, and figured tossing it right in his face was the way to go. I didn't want Jason to be all up in the middle of your club, telling you that his sister was too young to be having sex with you, and you needed to stop."

Erik at this point looked like he got what I was saying, so I went about getting dressed. I have to admit, he did a really good job of staring at me while I changed clothes. I swear I could _feel_ where his eyes touched me.

"Sookie, sometime we need to talk about you making decisions like that, without clueing me in. I kind of like to know what is happening in my own life. We will also talk about you going thru my things, as I haven't seen the shirt you just took off in ages! I am not mad, about any of this; I just want to make sure things are perfectly clear between us. Now, come here and kiss me before you run off with my cousin."

What could I do since he asked so nicely?

"Pam, you fabulous bitch, make me pretty!" I hollered as I left Erik's room, about ten minutes later.

JasFayette were talking to each other, and Jase was periodically sticking his fingers in Cuddle Butts cage. I was about to say something to him, warn him off of being stupid, when Pam grabbed my elbow.

"Darling, you said I could make you pretty, well, I am building fabulous on a foundation of pretty, thank you! Time to go, I need to introduce you to Betsey."

"Please, I know Betsey, I just cannot afford her."

"Hold up, Pam, you bringing Sook around to meet another woman?" Jason looked so confused.

"Laf," Pam laughed out, "Explain to your man here who Betsey is, okay? Kisses!" With that, she had me elbow, and we were across the hall and in her apartment in no time.

I don't think anything could have prepared me for Pamela's apartment. Her living room was half full of hanging garment racks. Her bedroom was a bed, a night table, and then wardrobes and dressers, until you got to her immaculately organized closet. Her bathroom had a hanging garment rack, somehow shoved in there.

"Pam, maybe you have a problem."

"I know I have one, Sook, I had to clear the clothes out of the spare room when Laf took it over, my problem is figuring out where to put them all now. I am using all available closet space at the house, which is essentially storage, as I spend most of my time here. I was going to try and talk the manager into letting me use some of their apartment, but I doubt you would be amenable. Erik told me I was absolutely not allowed to store clothes at his place, and if I tried, he would unleash Cuddle Butt, without grooming him, on my clothes. "

She sounded so sad. I almost wanted to offer her some of my space, almost.

"So, Daaaarling, you're what, and eight? A ten? I think if we go with dress, you'll be a ten, to fit everything comfy like, oh, and I have the matching shoes, I checked that they would fit against what you wore to Erik's."

Pam was going to put me in a Betsey Johnson dress and shoes. Shit, even with the bankruptcy, this was not cheap. What's the worst that could happen, other than me getting spilled on, me spilling on myself, my tripping and falling and ripping the dress, breaking the heel on the shoe? While I was trying not to worry, and there for making myself worry more, Pam brought out a garment bag and a shoe box, and opened both.

I was expecting black and white. I assumed it would be black and white.

No, it was the Garden of Eden dress, all floral and girly, and a pair of delicious floral pumps that would make me almost 5'10".

"Pam, they are beautiful, thank you."

"Oh, Darling, thank you, it will be fun to watch everyone fall all over themselves. Trust me. Now, well we do your hair and makeup, and decide what to do for dinner, why don't you explain to me what is going on with you and my cousin, and why I shouldn't be worried, ok?"

Oh, shit.


End file.
